Remedies

2010-05-04T22:19:00.002-04:00

So yeah, I have been mostly moving on to other resources for online communication and blogging. Below is a list of various resources. I am sure I will still find use for this blog at some point other than simply redirection.

General life - Facebook

Family Life Updates - JustLikeLions

Frequent Deep Thoughts/Literary Discussion - TrueGent

Gents&Jacks Manliness Company Blog - Gents&Jacks

Manliness Store Front - Gents&Jacks

Hope to interact with you on all these resources soon!

2010-04-28T10:30:00.005-04:00

I was born into time in the history of this world where fantasy literature consisted of blue women wearing barely any clothing and alien knights fighting trolls and wizards. To be honest, I have never been able to greatly appreciate the fantasy genre as it exists in most modern graphic novels, books, and board games.

When Tolkien's books where first made into movies, I loved them. I wasn't as obsessed as many people I knew, but I definitely admired both J.R.R. Tolkien for writing and Peter Jackson for developing such a wonderful screen adaptation.

I didn't really learn such a great respect for the author, or the roots of fantasy literature, until I began to learn about the man himself. I was gifted an awesome book of essays on Tolkien's life and works, and realized that this was a man seen deeper in his journal entries and personal letters than most men are seen in daily interaction. From here I learned to love his works, once I saw from where they found source matter.

Tolkien was passionate about mythology. Norse, Greek, British, and every other deep culture. His works where the natural outcome of his understanding of how and why these great people groups built so much into and upon narratives. It is because of this that he became what I would describe as a founding father of classic fantasy literature.

Since Tolkien, much has been dulled down. While much of the adventure or creativity which fantasy allows for is still active in the genre, it seems hollow when there is nothing greater in a story than the progressing of a handful of characters through a chain of events. This is true originally in the thought processes of the author, and becomes obvious when the story is built. The depth at which the author is processing his stories and their surrounding implications, or the implications of their fictitious surrounds upon them, is the depth at which the story becomes real to the reader. Or so I assume is also true for others.

I will end by saying this. Tolkien was not largely a fan of his good friend C.S. Lewis' Narnia fables. While I greatly admire the philosophic and emotional efforts and expressions put forth in these books, I think Tolkien saw within them the death of the genre he was nurturing. Tolkien is a great founder of a genre which went on to lead a rather ill fated historic progression in my opinion.

2010-04-23T11:44:00.002-04:00

It seems that thousands of amazing resources on a variety or materials will one day soon be completely worthless.

In The Screwtape Letters, C.S. Lewis references a grocer. How many people in today's economy and social standards even understand what a grocer truly is? Most have never been in a grocery store where the proprietor himself was actually involved. The even scarier thing is that your probably reading this and wondering why it matters.

It is crucial to understanding any intentional expression that one can completely grasp all that the author's subject matter holds. This is true when I read a book of in-depth study about a subject I have never studied. It is true if I watch a comedy sketch about current events when I haven't heard or seen the news in a few weeks.

The truth is that most of the emotions and events, even the simply daily lifestyles of the past are fading at a rate unprecedented, and I can only hope this is not true for the knowledge accessible therein.

2010-02-24T10:04:00.002-05:00

So now that I'm married and my whole life has taken such a drastic turn, I started a family blog at wordpress. (Don't tell blogger, I didn't think it could handle that kind of rejection. I just think we should keep our options open.)

So anyway, the adress is http://justlikelions.wordpress.com/ .

I'm not sure as of yet whether I will continue to seperate off some personal thoughts onto this blog.

2010-02-17T16:47:00.003-05:00

I am married now, and finally starting to settle from them craziness of the past two months or so. At this point we are finally settling into a cold apartment, during record breaking snow fall, while working horribly non-rhythmic schedules which keep us guessing constantly. I'm at Kroger most days, while my wife tries to manage Yagoot by day and night.

When we are together, we are trying to gain perspective on one another's thought processing, how we communicate, and building a family mindset and a spiritual unity as one flesh. Our free time is spent trying to adjust to this completely new life, reading alot of awesome books (aka- "Night" by Elie Weizel, "The Shack", "Mudhouse Sabbath", etc.), and hanging out with the church community (worship breakfasts and groups of grown men building massive snow fortifications and wishing they could build a fire inside). So we are living slightly hectic right now.

It would be really nice to find a more rhythmic occupation, preferably for both of us. But things are going very well, its awesome to be in this stage of pure growth. It is strange, I am very much of a big idea, long-term thinker (a Meyers-Briggs "N", if your into that sort of thing), so this stage is a bit strange, because I don't really have a goal in mind with life right now other than "get situated" mode.

We have created one rhythm, that of Wednesday "family day". There are only two in our family now, but we are excited to act in a mindset of our family and its missions. Wednesday night is also the day that we meet with brothers and sisters to fellowship and share Christ together, so we planned that to intentionally include church in our only weekly rhythm.

This huge post is the result of little time to debrief lately, and the lack of internet access.

P.S. I'm planning on soon starting a family blog, to document the progression of our family missions and activity.

2009-12-09T11:34:00.005-05:00

JANUARY 23RD - Wedding. MY Wedding...

So yeah, that being said, there is plenty to do before then.

I have plenty of well founded reasons to feel like I should not be waiting long to be married to my wonderful future-bride, but I have to admit that the schedule here on out is a bit daunting. I mean, I just started a new job at a place that is about to be booming with crazy amounts of business. Then there are the holidays, which successfully take up all our time until January. Not to mention my cousin's wedding, on the 2nd which will also take a few days. By that time your only just two weeks out from the grand event itself. And there are a million things to try to remember to do. For a kicker, we have plenty of non-wedding, non-holiday stuff to get done in the next few weeks.

Future-bride has really kicked it into high gear, to my surprise and delight. I'm often the type of person who is mentally worrying about every aspect of anything I'm personally invested in, so even though she is taking care of many more things that I have to, I am still overwhelmed for her, or something like that. Either way, I feel a weight that isn't bad, but ends up slightly exhausting.

Today, my focus needs to be on getting the invitations and programs designed and completed. Phew. Wish me luck!

2009-11-21T10:39:00.003-05:00

So sorry for not mentioning it sooner, but I got engaged. Last month. Like right after the last post. Sorry.

I feel a bit guilty for not mentioning this to you sooner. I'm a bad friend.

So the past few weeks have been a bit blurry, mostly since we're busy trying to figure out how to plan something we don't really feel up to planning, and my lovely fiancee (she's a girl so it has two e's, I was informed) is working a lot and trying to find people to work when she's not doing it herself, which makes her feel like she's constantly working. And next come my birthday and the holidays. Yay.

I also got a job. I will now be a proud member of the brand new Kroger team. Very proud. It doesn't open till mid December though. That's about it for now I guess, if we're talking on such a grand scale. Perhaps if I post more regularly I can talk in less generality.

P.S. Lisa is a grammar nazi, so I doubt I will be able to end many more statements without using a simple, single period, even though I love leaving the thought unended...

2009-10-26T17:30:00.006-04:00

Unless I had a really boring job, I could never imagine getting paid to travel and not enjoying it. The first time I ever got to experience this was while living in Texas. I travelled for All Access Today to Las Vegas to work at the Professional Bull Riding Championship Finals. It was an awesome experience, I even kind of learned to enjoyed the sport of bull riding. But the amazing part, to me, is that I got to spend my time traveling, in airports, on planes, in new places, a new city, an amazing car accident, etc... and I got paid to do it all.
Tomorrow, I am traveling with a good friend, Jon Willis, who is an awesome photographer doing a photo shoot in Iowa. I'm just going as a simple assistant, but its awesome to get to travel and consider it work, because no matter how valuable your time is to your employer, its still crazy that anything like this counts as work! We were discussing it and he enjoys the traveling too, which makes it even cooler. I'm pumped to get to go on a work trip again!
Sweet!

2009-10-20T10:00:00.005-04:00

The Lord is pulling some serious crap out of me. Or I'm assuming that's what this process is all about.

I've been unemployed for two months now. In this time my life has shown an increasing level of negative pattern. These may be things which some would consider normal, but its not healthy. My personal spiritual life, my community fellowship and discipleship, my leadership with Lisa, and even my efforts to find a job have all been hindered by something in me that doesn't know how to respond correctly in this situation. I have a strong feeling its all something very deep rooted, a remnant from my childhood. I only say this because as this is being prodded at the depths of my insecurities are stirred up. I'm still not sure how this all connects together but its something the Lord is working out, and I trust that, so I'm just going to work on allowing Him to break open the dark parts of my subconscious.

That's it really, I've got big things turning up, and I don't even know what they look like yet, but they are being pulled on and I'm confident they will soon be uprooted.

2009-10-12T17:59:00.004-04:00

Hello Sozo!

Recently my father started his own company. After about 20 years of working in real estate for West Shell (when it was just West Shell), ReMax, and other smaller companies, he is finally his own master. He got his broker's license this past summer after much laborious work and is finally on the small business owner path. Its not too big of a transition as far as mentality, because he has technically been self employed for a long time, but now he gets to reap the benefits of the adventure that is total personal control.

All this goes to say, I am excited and proud, and ready to try my hand at helping him optimize his business capabilities through self marketing and all the intricacies the Internet provides for doing so. I think its awesome when people like my dad can start a small business with a real purpose in mind. Sozo Realty is a company that is truly there to help people, and that is the owner and founders heart. I know it from a lot of personal experience. Its cool to get to try your hand at helping those kind of people!

2009-10-09T13:15:00.005-04:00

Its amazing the ways in which the Lord can teach us to know Him.

As I learn to love Lisa in a reflection of His love, I learn more about who He is to me, how He wants me to know Him. One of the biggest things He is teaching me is how He wants to relate to me in life. I'll steal an analogy a friend and I have been using lately to grasp this. My friend and his family recently moved into a new, awesome house. His son helped him in the moving process. In a move of sheer genius parenting, he decided that connecting with his son was more important than efficient moving time, so he allowed his young son to take up some of the decision making process and do as much of the moving as he was able to at his age. He could see that his son came away with a sense of accomplishment, he learned and worked and found fulfillment and confidence. He knew his father trusted him and wanted to help him take on a big task.

I have always been afraid in the position of the son who is moving. God knows what He is doing, and I always want Him to tell me to sit on the porch while He moves all our boxes, then we can just go get another load when He is finished. But He doesn't do things that way. I want Him to take control, because He knows what He is doing, where to put things, how to carry them. But His goal is not to get the boxes into the right rooms. His goal is to relate to me. His goal is that I know who He is, who He wants to be, that I know who I am to Him, and that I grow in relation to Him. He wants me to take steps in the move, and I can ask questions, but He won't ever just give me all the answers, and He won't just do it Himself. I am always asked to learn to know Him more in every situation.
That's what the Lord is teaching me. It is one of the strongest confirmations I have ever had that I am moving in the right direction, which is ironic since a lot of it is learning how to move in the right direction.

Its seems foreign that I am learning to know Christ better so much so because I am called to be an image of Him in many ways to another. I'm learning to trust that He is full of truth and that's where my confidence should be founded. I am something new because He asks me to fill roles I am not personally qualified for, but He's showing me the ropes.

THANK YOU JESUS!!

2009-10-08T14:55:00.005-04:00

(Epiphany + Video) = {Epipheo}

Some good friends of mine have recently become pretty heavily involved in a new wave of internet phenomona termed "epipheos". An epipheo is basically an instructional video falling somewhere between a short documentary and a commercial. They are designed to be viral, with an intention of creating paradigm shifts in enough viewers to influence e-culture. As a result of these friends involvement I've become modestly interested personally, so I will post those which interest me from time to time.

Think youtube video on documentary steroids.

Their site is http://www.epipheostudios.com/.
You can check out the new "youtube" of epipheos at http://www.epipheo.com/.

This first one is definitely one of the most straightforward examples, and the first I've seen without any text necessity.

dove evolution

Shared via AddThis

2009-10-08T00:01:00.003-04:00

Lordship is on my mind.
In studying Lordship as of late, I come to realize how important it is that Christians get this concept. Its something I have recognized (at least for its effects if not for what it is) for many years. This doesn't mean I've lived by it.
Lordship is something which is defined by a moment. There must come a point where a man surrenders all and comes under a new master. This is left out of the modern American gospel in the majority case. It is required of a man's self to die, and any who is unwilling is not ready for Christ.
But at the same time, one is never able to consistently remain in this role. Fallen men are always trying to fix, control, and design their lives, and one is required to continue to return to this principle, to maintain a heart of brokenness. One has to continue to come back to believing the truth of God's promises and the nature of the lies coursing through his own veins.
The paradox here brings strange emotions. To come to a place of sheer brokenness and willingness to surrender is one hard found, most are not often ready to accept. It is not too basic to mention that its just simply hard. However, when you find yourself available to this perfectly intervening grace, your filled with relief, peace, and joy. It is the only solution in a world which inevitably demands one. To know the truth intimately is to experience true love and know what hope means for the first time.
The truly cognizant heart cannot continue on long in this world without finding ache in recognizing the continuation of his rejection of this surrender. Eventually a heart will always believe the lie over the truth again, and at some point a betrayal reoccurs. This is perhaps the most agonizing experience a human should be able to know, if he truly could understand the gravity.
This week, I have been studying Lordship. And in this time, I have recognized how wonderful and beautiful a life can be when lived from this place. I have known this truth in a far less definitive form for many years. At the same time, I have even this week known the pain of betraying this truth, of accepting lies as the proof that slavery to self is worthwhile, and I have known the after effect of fear which comes in trusting such broken systems.

Lordship, Lordship, Lordship, when will Your way in me be complete?!?

2009-08-13T14:21:00.006-04:00

Boot camp has finally come to an end, and what an adventure it has been!

For three months we three lived in a new way, building practical steps into our lives to incorporate the truth He has been giving us. And I am confident that these new aspects will for the most part become permanent staple characteristics of our lives. God is teaching us to live in Rhythm and with purpose toward Him in daily, weekly, monthly, yearly, and life spanning commitments. This has taken its effect upon every aspect of life, from financing and work ethics to household maintenance and relationship building to the most inner depths of personal communion with God.

So last night we had a party, with which I think all of us were surprised by the large outcome. We had a great time of seeing familiar church faces as well as some we see less frequently. The fellowship I experienced was only rivaled by the fellowship I saw surrounding me. The evening of fun and snacking was highlighted by a time of prayer over each of us as we move forward into some different directions. Dave McMurray is getting married next month of course, and Dave Hansen and I will be continuing on living together, with the aim of creating and maintaining a similar atmosphere for other single guys to come into, ready to grow together in discipline and live actively as the church to one another and with whomever we may have opportunity.

Chuch Caine had an awesome word for us as he was given an image of Christ greeting each of us in a reception line at the end of this journey we have been on, and slipping each of us a handful of seeds with a hug. He also saw that we have 3 options of what to do with the seeds we have been given. We could seal them in a bag and put them away for safekeeping. We could immediately devour them ourselves. Or we could distribute them among those around us, and cast the remainder out upon the earth. It is the third which I hope each of us has, and which is one of the factors in the mentality which brought me into the boot camp in the first place.

God didn't waste any time last night giving practical circumstance in which to spread seed. Everyone left by about 11 pm, and I went out for a walk with a couple people while my roommates went right to bed. A was sitting at a park with a couple friends when a man, Todd, walked up to us. Todd is 33 and has been homeless for a little less than 2 weeks. He definitely drinks, but was definitely sober-minded as he spoke of his plight and we responded with Christ's infinite love for all us co-hellions who fight Him. He ended up coming home with us, as my friends departed he got to take a much needed shower and find some more comfortable clothes. It broke my heart to see him brought to tears for a love he does not understand and desperately desires but can't or won't comprehend. We prayed many times, and when I went to bed I read from Psalm 4

"In peace I will both lie down and sleep; for you alone, O Lord, make me dwell in safety."

As I went to bed he desired to stay up and read, and apparently did so all night long. In the morning my roommates both had opportunity to talk with him, and when I got up later he told me that he hadn't slept all night, because of visions and nightmares that plagued him. I got to spend more time in prayer with him this morning, and put on soft worship music so he could rest while I took a shower. While I was in the shower he got up, took all his belongings, and disappeared. I hope he returns some day.

I am so confused such an intense situation of such gravity as this one. I suddenly feel completely helpless, and all I can do is utter secret prayers for miracles. Perhaps this is the best solution, and I need to simply grow in that role. I get so confused to see those who need so much, seem to see it and the solution, but don't really get it. All I can do is live in prayer and hope that he does, and seek your prayers as well. I do know one thing though. My life should be lived focused on these opportunities. Constantly through those 10 hours of friendship, I kept thinking, "I need to be prepared for this, I should be living with this in mind." Why does anything else become a focus point in my life? I don't know, but I don't like it.

2009-06-22T12:33:00.001-04:00

1 Corinthians 12 &13

I would like to turn now to 1 Corinthians 12-13 for a clarification of this love. In chapter 12 we learn much about how a body relation. We are designed to all exist differently; there is no ideal image of a follower of Christ. There is to be beautiful differentiation between members, for different purposefulness. None should consider himself higher or lower based on his difference from another. All have need for one another, and should never take on an attitude which prefers any gifting or personality. He even says that just as the body has parts which should be treated with modesty, so also certain roles should be performed behind the scenes. So we realize that a principle stands in that all men are designed to relate within the body differently, fill different roles, know God differently on a personal level, and do this so “that there may be no division in the body, but that the members may have the same care for one another.” (verse 25)
Chapter 13 is one all too familiar to Christians and others alike. This chapter is one devoted to love, which is most often heard at weddings. It is used to give an example of the intensity of the vows of marriage, and to remind a couple of the commitment and hard work upon which they will embark for the rest of their lives. A marriage is a relationship founded upon love as an action which often goes against all desire, a relationship which mirrors Christ and the church, one defined by sacrifice and submission. It is interesting to see that this passage which we gain so much insight toward this relationship is written after 1 Cor. 12. In fact, after they begin to understand this idea of differing roles in the body and unity through chapter 12, it ends by saying, “And I will show you a still more excellent way.”
This chapter on love which is so readily used to state the intensity of marital love is in fact written to explain the love every Christian should exhibit toward one another. This type of love which we so greatly value and idealize toward marriage is actually one which should fuel our relation toward one another. While marriage is far more intensive in requirement of this love, it is identical to the attitude I should have toward body members. Whatever love attitude I would take on toward my wife should be equally exhibited toward all fellow Christians.

2009-06-22T12:28:00.001-04:00

Real love experienced by men and through human relationships is simply an outpouring of God’s love, a dim reflection of a universal human need and longing. That is the crux for beginning to understand the massive difference between what we call love and what true love is. Human love is non-similar to God’s love. It is even a polar opposite in some aspects. They should really be two different words based on how dissimilar they are. Humanity’s greatest longing is for a love it does not know, but nothing within it knows how to create this love. Truly, few ever experience the love they were designed to flourish within. A love built on man is self focused and rewards seeking when it is tested deeply. The only chance for real love to exist is to be wrapped up in God and allow His control and Lordship so that we can reflect a glimpse of Him. Rhett Barbour explained it in this way, “Love is evidence of being united with the Father.”
Love from God, termed reflective love from this point forward, is only available to be distributed when relating to God. A simple analogy for this is that one can only pour water out of a hose when it is connected to a water source. Therefore, a man can only give love if he is getting it, and he can only get it from God, or men connected to God.
Love should be a character trait. We know that God is Love. He does not simply love, He is love. Even if there was no one to love, He would exist as such. We also should be defined by love, not simply loving. It is not simply a purpose toward a specific person, but an attitude about existence which directly alters every perspective. It is evidence of Lordship at the deepest level. God tests our maturity and love for Him by how we love one another, his body (1 John 4:7-8;20).
This reflective love starts as a principle and perspective on existence. From this point it is very quickly made into an often painful practicality in literally every situation. We are told to do all to the glory of God. This means love in every simple, even seemingly non-relational action. I need to figure out how to eat and drink out of love, even when alone. Over time, this will eventually takes on a catholic unification. This means that if Christians are allowing this holy transformation, then the main component of who they are in Christ will also be the asset which makes them readily unified. Picture all Christians placed in a big box, and shaken about, randomly reassigned and surrounded by totally new brothers and sisters. If they are living to embrace love, then this doesn’t even create a hiccup in their capability to co-exist and flourish in building up one another and the kingdom of God. God comes between relationships that are purposed in love (Romans 15:5).
This type of love is not romanticized, but sacrificial. It requires submission to something we do not fully understand and will never be able to completely conform to. Submission is a relinquishing of personal will and preference. It can’t be romantically charged. To be a great man or woman is to be like Christ. To follow Christ’s earthly example is to be characterized by submission and sacrifice. To be a man of God, mirroring Him as a husband and leader requires total sacrifice of self to him and others.
As we increasing in love for one another, God is able to establish blamelessness and holiness in our hearts (1 Thess. 3:12-13). We are purified as we pursue to make God’s love realized in a practicality. This reflective love also holds within it the capability to build characteristics such as faith, hope, joy, and peace in those who are willing to embrace practicing it. 1 Corinthians 13:13 tells us that love is the greatest attribute, greater that faith and hope. If we recognize and wrestle through this truth, then we will begin to grow in these other ways as well; out of His love flows all else. Per example, Faith is realized when we know His love, for He who loves unconditionally and eternally could never steer us wrong, and etc.
We need to love God the same way that we should love one another. Our love is all the more validly poured back on its producer. To have the chief aims of dwelling in love and loving in reflection creates an entirely new relationship to God. This will make Him less confusing for many, encouraging them down out of their ivory towers to enjoy the warm grass and breeze with Him. It will take Him off of the examination tables of the church, who often eagerly seek to understand Him to the point of dissection, forgetting to know Him. Also we cannot simply feel out who He is, but we can love what we do not fully grasp, and gain in understanding through the Spirit and Word. There is much that comes to naught when love is the goal and realization. Intimacy is the ends we have opportunity for here.

2009-05-30T09:45:00.002-04:00

Boot Camp Summary
Theory- We can begin to fulfill all biblical and spirit led roles for our lives. This is the only true source of satisfaction in life.
We are designed to live in rhythm. This is the key to creating a lifestyle atmosphere that promotes thriving in spirit led action. Many are led to give their all, but poor focus or lack of balancing factors prevents true long-term effectiveness. This means that people strive toward goals to which they have not been led. It also means that even if they are being led to a goal, living in a way that does not support this in every aspect will cause burnout in the long term. Men give there all to one thing alone until someone tells them to stop or they decide to quit. This is not ideal or effective.
God designed man to live in rhythm. He rested the seventh day. This is a picture of his role for man. Men are designed to tire. It is inherent that men should rest weekly, and God requires that all men find time of rest and enjoyment on a weekly level. None should be thus deprived.
When God created, he made night and day. Until only recently in history, it has remained true to the entire world that the day if for man to act, and by night there is little that can be done. This is a design of natural rhythm.
Because we can see that life is completely designed in rhythms and effectiveness is found in being purposeful in all things, it is only logical that we should begin to build lives that are intensely designed to fulfill goals that God has established for us as humans and individuals. Some of the general goals include worship, work, rest, creation, relation, family, etc.
Boot camp is designed to give young men the opportunity to submit their lives intensely, taking on a like-mindedness with Christ, in order to find this lifestyle that honors him. Submission is the first step toward suffering. Christ is the example for all men, and a man, specifically differing from a woman or child, is called to die daily for Christ and others. We as men need to be living lives in total submission to death of self. Only in honing this in with stable living will we find true manhood and Godly life.

2009-05-16T15:43:00.005-04:00

The truth is that Christianity stands in stark opposition to the American mindset. This people has adjusted the depths of Christian perspective over a couple centuries to create a gospel which is only half of its original. We have lost so much of Christ's perspective, and we often accept and preach the opposite!

A good example of this is submission. The only time when submission is spoken of in America is when feminists are talking about how no women should ever have to partake in it. Even in conservative churches the best they can scrounge up is that a wife should submit and a husband love and serve. But what about Christ? I believe I have already spoken on this blog of Christ's submissive nature. From the moment he decided to take on human form he lived in constant submission, and it was through this constant deciding to submit that he experienced all suffering. In the same way, we must submit as an act of reverence to Him and so that we may partake in His suffering. The Bible pretty much requires it for proper living. But we don't really grasp that for the most part.

All this to say, in a short format, that we need to take a look at the Bible apart from any and all tradition. Traditions aren't bad, if they are directed by Scripture. If they are, then that need to be consciously acknowledged for any purpose to be found.

I guess I come to this point through the boot camp, learning so much about what the Bible calles us to in lifestyle. This isn't an area which seems to be addressed very often. We usually talk about what type of person we should be, and even what we shouldn't do, but not about the habitual lifstyle actions we should be forming. More on this later.

God is growing me in a direction that I have never heard of in a church! The only Christian lifestyle it seems similar to is that of the seasoned, passionate, Christ-centered missionary. Christianity in America is not usually lived out as the Bible instigates. Hallelujah for being taught to live more fully human before God!

2009-05-13T20:23:00.005-04:00

Disciplship Boot Camp is intense.

I'm just finally getting some time to post about it now that its been in full swing for nearly two weeks.

I'd like to start where we have come to thus far in the journey, with some of the weekly requirements in more detail, as well as some of the highlights thus far.

On weekdays we have a curfew of 11pm, and we are all usually out of bed by at least 6:30am or so. We are beginning to build individual daily rhythms for ourselves, mine includes showering, time studying, prayer time, a slight workout (I use the term very loosely), breakfast, and some free time before I go to work, usually at 10am. Mondays also include Dinner via Dave McMurray's cooking, with confession and prayer for a while afterward. Tuesdays are my days to cook, and whatever comes out of that is followed by a Biblical Manhood class with John Herman. Wednesday is a free evening, thus my ability to write this post. Thursday is Dave Hansen's culinary exhibition, followed by time with the Boot Camp's creator and main schemer, Justin Carabello. This time also includes study and discussion of Elizabeth Elliot's Mark Of A Man, which we are speeding along through. Friday is another night or relative freedoms, and Satuday includes some type of service project, along with the possiblity of Shabbat meal at any willing family's house. Sunday's only requirement is the Gathering service in the evening.

We are also meeting more sporadically with people like Heath Hostetler, who is doing our financial training and budgeting, and April Pryor, who is teaching us more on building a rhythmic lifestyle.

Getting into this Boot Camp full swing has been alot like trying to learn how to drive a new vehicle. We still haven't figured out the tension on the brakes and gas. I was eager to come into submission to Godly leadership coming into this program, so the real point of learning thus far for me has been in finding purpose in things which are plotted out. It is hard for me to find myself sincere in something like a prayer I planned ahead for a scheduled time frame. But I know there is a way to be purposeful in this, so I continue to strive on in this discipline. Also, I have been realizing that I am so focused on the Boot Camp and all the good it gives opportunity for, I am forgetting the Holy Spirit. It is a dangereous thing to become confident in a rhythm. But a rhythm provides a greater depth of purpose, submission, stewardship, and dominion in life. So I consider myself blessed to be wrestling through this paradox so quickly into this process.

All that deep stuff being said, its just been a blast to live so purposefully and with to awesome/hilarious/diverse/Godly guys. Here are some photo's of some of our sweet meals together thus far! Enjoy!

Enjoying Dave Hansen's first meal of Brats and White Chicken Chili with Justin before studying The Mark Of A Man

Dave McMurray learning first hand how to fry up the Trout Heath just caught the other day.

2009-05-07T09:29:00.004-04:00

So boot camp started about a week ago, and I hope to document the journey on this blog as regularly as possible, but limited internet access will hinder this greatly.

Here are some recent thoughts until I can provide more.

Suffering for Christ is something I have come to understand to some small extent in the past year. I understand it just enough to know I want it, but not enough to realize I wouldn't really if I knew it well enough! But the truth is, we should desire it because we know that our likeness to Christ is identifiable by our suffering for Him. But as of lately, God has been revealing the truth that submission is the key in partaking in Christ's suffering.

Eph 5:21 "submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ."

Any act of submission we come to should be seen in direct relation to Christ!It is revolutionary to realize that every action Christ took, from the decision to become human till resurrection was an act of direct submission. He submitted to a body. He submitted to knowing fully the glory of the Father and the greatness of what the earth could be and the salvation and restoration of the Father. At the same time, he knew the fullness of the falleness of humanity and the end results of the lives surrounding him. Yet he lived his life on constant submission to the will of the Father in His teaching, and in constant submission to others who always rejected or misunderstood Him. Jesus Christ was, and still is, the most misunderstood human being in the history of the planet! I cannot imagine having a perfect perspective on the world and every individual life and yet never being understood when I spoke.I say all of this to conclude with this. As I was realizing these things, I thought of my friend/roommate, Dave. He works with inner city kids in an after school program, where I used to volunteer daily. Those kids hate everything he says. They argue against him every time he tries to portray the Gospel to them. They will not accept his love, and mock and scoff at his perspectives on life. He gets pretty discouraged and loses focus sometimes, which makes total sense. But here's the point. Even if he never sees results, even if there never even are results (which I don't believe is true), he is living out a story that directly reflects Christ's ministry on earth.

His narrative in life right now perfectly reflects a small scale of what Christ's entire existence on earth consisted of!

What an intense mission, how much more purpose could we ask for!

Be encouraged in your hardships, whatever they may be, for the Father is reflecting Himself through you in such circumstances!

Truly, there is greater glory to Him in such a setting!

2009-04-22T22:39:00.003-04:00

Boot Camp Update.

I'm pretty certain I have mentioned the boot camp of which myself and a few other members of my church body are about to become guinea pigs. Tonight we had a much needed pre-meeting.

This boot camp is about to effect a lot of things in my life. Sleep schedule. Financial outlook. Hospitality capabilities. Spiritual discipline. Selflessness in super close living. The end result should be an overall intentionality and control of my life. Its interesting to realize that all of these extensively practical changes are truly very much central to living in accord with Christ. I mean, I don't have a clue what the actual changes are going to look like in the end, I just know they are gonna be very large and very fruitful. Its really sad to me that more singles, especially guys, are no where near even knowing they need this or having people people who would impliment it for them. I am truly blessed.

This, just like the Story Formed Life, is something which I deperately need personally but am more eager to be leading, simply because I see the great need everywhere and the great potential within.

SWEET!

2009-04-20T00:07:00.004-04:00

Over the last few weeks, our body has been under a lot of attack. Actually, because of an unrelated note, I really don't like calling our church a body, just because of the fact that "the body" should be our term for the entire catholic church. It expresses to a greater degree the intensity of universal unity we should be conscious of. But I digress.

Our body has seen various forms of attack. Relational disturbance, depression, spiritual cloudiness, emotional turmoil, spiritual confusion, and even physical sickness and negative daily routine changes. I truly see everyone of these as a way in which we are being bullied.

But Satan doesn't attack those standing still, usually not even those meandering about, his focus is on those driving a straight line. Satan hates purposeful pursuit of God's glory. We are seeking the Lord, and He is giving unified vision. This attack is ultimately an attempt to create varied vision. Faithfulness and unity are key to what the Lord is doing. So I seek Him...

God!

Take this!

Destroy confusion, destroy disunity!

We don't ask for easy-going, but for clarity in the vision You are casting!

Give us unity under Your callings, work in us together toward your common goals!

Soli Deo Gloria!

2009-04-14T11:01:00.003-04:00

So some of our church body has decided that we will be planting a pretty monstrous garden. A few of us proceeded to till a plot and build a pretty sweet compost, and then we presented it with the intention of allowing others to participate. Already we have a number of others who are, and some already have window boxes started!

So I've been elected to kind of head up any publicity this thing may need, so you may begin to see the occasional note or pic on here.

Thinking about being a farmer, not just a gardener but a farmer, has really become very exciting to me. I think there must be something more to this mindset which almost helps me to align myself more biblically. I really think modernization has created a huge gap for the masses in general conceptions about life.

This is especially crazy to think about when understanding that in every culture in history, nature and much more specifically farming has been much more of a close and tangeable operation, so that even merchants, scholars, and aristocracy had a general knowledge of what it looks like and involves. I mean even the richest of nobility in cultures past had to live close enough to crops to have them transported easily, so most had some clue of what was takes place.

And now we have what some might sadly call the "luxury" of only seeing food in processed form, neatly packaged on store shelves. We live in fear of germs. My personal experience and what I can tell from others affirms that most of us are not usually very interested in non-processed food, but at the same time we fear contamination. For 99% of human history, we ate raw things right out of the ground, but now we mess with it and then fear what might be in it.

Sorry for the rabbit trail. The garden should be great.

2009-04-11T03:38:00.006-04:00

So today was a nice dreary day, perfect for going out to try and better master the manual controls on my digital camera. I don't think I got much accomplished, but here are some of the cooler shots I grabbed.

2009-04-06T13:11:00.004-04:00

We say "The Lord works in mysterious ways."

I think this is a foolish human perspective.

God is the creator. Everything He has ever touched has flourished with originality. He is unable to act in the same way twice, He has too many good ideas for how to do things in new ways. We act simplistically without much faith, and become frustrated at every turn because we don't understand how God is working. Duh. What makes us think we should be able to comprehend the creative expressions of this YHWH in any circumstance? We use the afore mentioned phrase as a way to settle our faithless confusion. The truth is that if our faith in the Leader was at all sufficient we would be able to enjoy the ride and seeing what He makes up along the way instead of becoming frustrated at every curve ball. We are so blessed to be given characteristics of Him in this vein, and to be commissioned to live fruitful lives. The command to be fruitful is always taken simply as a call to make more humans. But it entails much more. It is a call to have purpose, to creative and make new things. This is one of our highest and most intimate callings before God.

GO CREATE!!

2009-04-04T11:09:00.003-04:00

God is so good, He moves in such timely ways, and we are often blessed with open eyes to see His glorious action upon the earth! All I can do is pray!

God, destroy the flesh which is constantly looking to creep back into my heart, and fill me with Your Spirit to the point of overflow!

Give me desire more greatly for Your will, and nothing else, may all that I partake in be rooted in a love and desire for you!

God, continue to move in this place, sweep down and fill this place with Your Spirit, unify Your Bride, raise up leaders from all churches to seek this end and to call others to it as well. Bring all Christians together to glorify You and seek Your praise together as one! Fill us so greatly with your Spirit that we can do no other thing than fill this place with Your name! Move in this city, break down the hearts of men, and give your servants a heart of evanglism, as missionaries seeking out the darkest places. Send us into the brothels and ghettos, out of the church doors and into the places of the destitute and the broken! Change hearts!

Who is like YHWH!?!?!?!

2009-03-31T15:22:00.003-04:00

I returned to town just under a week ago from ihop, the International House of Prayer. Myself and a group of friends spent 4 or 5 days out in Kansas City, and the the time spent there has had a pivotal effect that I believe will only increase.

While ihop hosts a variety of courses, programs, and other ways to be involved, the main force of what they do lies within their prayer room. This prayer room is continually hosting hundreds who seek God in fervant, tireless prayer, while live worship is played 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year. So students and visitors from across the world are in constant pursuit of God in this place literally all the time.

God's Spirit is markedly upon this place. Seeking Him become a new thing in this place. I know for myself personally, God became even more of one who I honestly want constantly. I seriously came away feeling homesick for ihop, even the strangers I spent time in the prayer room with, and mostly, missing God. I don't know if that sounds bad, but I miss God all the time now. Any time I'm not talking to Him, I miss Him. The most similar concept I can think of is when someone falls head over heels in love. I think most people can relate to a time when you constantly are thinking about being with someone you are in love with, when you miss someone from the moment you leave them until you see them again. That's how God has become to me, and I am so thankful to Him for turning my heart more greatly to Him!

I want to go back immediately!!

2009-03-13T14:31:00.002-04:00

Read Colossians 4:2.

Depending on your translation, the verse says something to the effect of...

Always be in constant prayer, and watch what for how the Lord will honor this.

(personal paraphrase)

I read that this morning, and it is a pretty appropriate summary of recent events, not to mention very self-fulfilling. God has been faithful as of late to consider myself worthy of His blessings, and I have seen them poured out in an ability to be more passionate about Him. We have been seeking Him and found Him more faithful and abundant than any man can ever fathom without being in the midst of such circumstances.

Over the past few months, my single male friends and I have been pursuing Christ with a hope to live in closer community for fellowship, accountability, and general discipline. God has shown Himself faithful in that He has provided vision within the leadership of our church to go one step further, and a few of us will be entering into a 3-month "boot camp" program which is specifically designed for these goals, along with greater accountability, enhanced discipline for more responsible living, and purposeful mentorship from older men who seek to see us mature and take on church leadership. And to think all we asked for was more interpersonal discipline!

God is also showing Himself faithful as we seek to find more unity among the churches of this community, of this entire city even! We desire to see churches as He sees them, overlooking the numerous flaws and recognizing those redeemed for His Glory. I am broken when I realize that all believers hold on fiercely to some viewpoints or doctrines of God which are not true, even when they are seeking Him, and yet He remains faithful to men! We believe and pray for unity among denominations, that churches would partner together to see Him and His glory reaching out to the world, and the specific places where we are involved. This past week in Over the Rhine, Dave and I were able to participate in a Bible study which we were unsure about attending, and the Lord blessed it amazingly. It was an unbelievable experience to go into a completely unfamiliar situation and seek God's praise with new people in earnest. Let cultural boundaries be broken and all voices join as one!

God desires us to be pursuing Him in prayer. We know not how to follow in ourselves, so we must simply pursue Him to have His way with us, and then actually allow this to take place. We must pray for Him to act through us, because we won't know what to do with His will and more of Him in us. We don't only need wisdom, but we also need His action to counteract any appearances of flesh within us. Fill us with your Spirit! Destroy the flesh within us daily!

Lord, kill me if I don't preach the Gospel!

2009-03-04T13:53:00.006-05:00

Two days ago, I moved into the heart of Over The Rhine.

This post relies heavily on the one before it, so you will probably need to be familiar. God is moving in this body of believers, and changes are happening. The plan is to move into OTR with my good friend and fellow body member Dave, who works with the kids of OTR in an after school program which I also volunteer with. Eventually, I plan to move on to a house of men in Bellevue or Ft. Thomas designed to foster growth and hopefully provide a center for artistic worship.

Making this move was really scary for me. Not in a way so that I was actually scared, but in a "can't think straight, feeling short of breath all day" kind of way. I have real issues when it comes to trusting God with monetary commitments and committing to something for a long term amount of time. So obviously, signing a lease on a house in Bellevue would be a huge commitment for me. This is only made all the more stressful for me by the fact that I have no consistent job and am simply waiting for the day when the cash pool dries up.

This is all stuff that will need to be addressed of course, but I should not be reacting in such a flesh inspired way! We seek the Lord. He provides insight. Then we have the audacity to worry about means of completing His will?!?!

I'm ridiculous...

So God, we ask that we would be continuously seeking Your will, and that we would be weak enough to allow your strength to work through us in completion of the tasks at hand. God blessed me with the strength to pray through this all with Dave and continue on in starting this journey. So I moved. And God is doing amazing things already in confirmation. From the moment I moved in, God began to work between us and in our roommate relationship. Its happening, and I'm not ready! God is, so break me and fill me with your strength instead!

2009-02-27T16:54:00.004-05:00

A synopsis of general life.

God is moving greatly at this time. All the ones I trust the mostly greatly when understanding Him are feeling it. I don't know if I have mentioned much of what has been going on with myself as of late, but I very much doubt I have when I see just how much time I have allowed to loom up between myself and my last posts.

Over that past months, God has been solidifying new works with a snowballing effect. Around the time I moved back, He was doing big things. While I was away, those whom I was spiritually close to at home, most of whom were single ladies, joins officially with a local body of believers, partaking in a communally supportive network and fellowshipping closely with those others involved. I have since also come into this group, and I am amazed to see God more clearly speaking in lives in this group than I had ever seen with more than just individuals.

So as I returned, this body was made up of its parts from before, mostly relatively younger couples at this point, and of these newer others to whom I was previously close. But surrounding the time I returned, God began to bring other single guys into commitment here.

So now there are more guys around, and I am seeing just how great the spiritual insight and leadership is in these women I know. And so as I have come together with these other men, I believe I can speak for them, or at least for the sum whole of combined minds, that our passion is to see these men living in community and growing together in similar fashion to these girls, hopefully becoming more so of leaders than they themselves are.

We are looking to become more solidified and purposeful in our pursuit of Christ and our strengthening of one another. My vision is to see young men stepping up and becoming fully committed to God, allowing to have total and complete control of all aspects of their lives. Men who are seeking and actively making choices that are furthering their personal character growth, and men who are investing in the lives of others and ministering where the Lord places them. This is the greatest part of what God is doing in my life right now.

That being said, we all need to become closer in a literal sense, since at this time we all live in scattered places. So the ideal future looks something like this. Most of us moving in to a house together, with the purpose of creating a central location for male fellowship within this group.

God has greatly blessed this body with an immense number of artistically inclined members, and with so many of this sort, it is a wonder that no more has been done already along the lines of creative worship. This new house would also ideally be designed to house a location for creative expression and worship for all body members.

Perhaps even others as well!

2009-02-27T16:11:00.006-05:00

As of late, I have been very devoted to reading The Chronicles of Narnia. While J.R.R.Tolkien, of Lord of the Rings and Hobbit fame, was not a great fan of his dear friend Lewis' authorship in this material, I cannot help but be amazed and inspired in spiritually epic realms. I'm reading them at almost a book a day. This is unheard of for my character, but none know that without being told so by myself.

Lewis is inspiring. He knows just how to capture a thought in perfect word imagery. He is able to explain magical experiences of which no one has ever partaken with such natural and familial language, often utilizing a normal activity to explain similar feelings in supernatural events. While everything is continually magical, it always seems completely real and physical, which is hard enough to explain with images, let alone with the choicest words. He succeeds and excels.

As a lover of nature, I am also easily seduced by his elegant explanations of such natural beauty as one can only imagine in this world. The lands and nature he explains almost constantly are almost as unrealistic to this existence as the magic that exudes within Narnian living.

But the far greatest element of C.S. Lewis work here is seen in the spiritual imagery seen within everything Aslan touches. Although his interaction is at some points non-existent for great lengths, it is always felt that all which takes place is by his hand or allowance, and all ultimately ends in his will and by his working. I do not think it is irregular for a theologian to be somewhat confused by Lewis' personal theology, but when it is played out in a narrative such as this, it is just as the old phrase, "a picture says a thousand words." Endless volumes of theological rhetoric could never sum up Lewis work in even some single chapters of Narnian happenings.

Aslan's relationship to the children and those whom are willingly in his service is some of the nearest inspiration to the Bible my heart has known, in its own category alongside the rhetoric of Tozer and the logic of Schaeffer. His character is almost surprising every time it acts, for it is so similar to Christ that it is hard for the human mind to know what to expect. I literally consider myself blessed to even be able to recognize that this is a very exact image of Christ. Many a most religious and well read person would overlook the striking similarity.

I would say it is by no means a stretch to say that The Chronicles of Narnia show a very true physical representation of how God would (in a few does cases does) work in the spiritual life of those willing to devote themselves in wholeness to Himself and His pursuits.

God is moving in my life through these books!

2009-02-11T12:14:00.003-05:00

I just started another Tozer book, "Man, The Dwelling Place of God." Already, insights abound.

After talking about how much greater being honored before God is in comparison to all the honor of this world, Tozer says. . .

This being true and being known to the heavenly intelligences, the methods we use to persuade men to follow Christ must seem to them extremely illogical if not downright wrong.
Evangelical Christians commonly offer Christ to mankind as a nostrum to cure their ills, a way out of their troubles, a quick and easy means to the achievement of personal ends. They use the right words, but their emphasis is awry. The message is so presented as to leave the hearer with the impression that he is being asked to give up much to gain more. And that is not good, however well intentioned it may be.
What we do is precisely what a good salesman does when he presents the excellence of his product as compared with that of his closest competitor. The customer chooses the better of the two, as who would not? But the weakness of the whole salesmanship technique is apparent: the idea of selfish gain is present in the whole transaction.

The last line is the most potent to me. It is so true, that the most often explanation given in Sunday schools and evangelistic outreach is that Hell will be no good, and we can plan something better. It sounds like some deal that should include a casket, grave plot, and funeral plan package. I think the selfishness element is dependant upon this lack of perspective. How can salvation be worth much to one who needs so little?

The truth is that our salvation is always continually dependant upon our brokenness. Duh. We're obviously saved from something. But its never sold that way. How infrequently do we hear the Gospel from the beginning in this modern Christianity?

I think this falsely presented message is a mix of issues. The saddest of which is simply that those who do not understand the Good News fully are the ones trying to convince others of its worth. It can also be those most acquainted with the full message who become the most desperate. Observation provides insight into the fact that those most passionate about the Gospel are so greatly zealous that they fall quickly into a very deeply pensive state when pursuing the lost. We take on too much responsibility in the process. We love those souls with Christ's love, but find it discouraging and disheartening when we are unable to personally enact Christ's movement on their hearts.

Be encouraged little ones! It should be our greatest joy to allow God to take responsibility for changing the sinner's hearts! Our brokenness for the soul's of these should be comforted in the camaraderie found in God's same and greater heartbreak!

In the Bible we find the commission to spread the Word and make disciples. If you observe the processes in question, there is a middle step we seem to be excluded from. Perhaps we aren't meant to be a third party in the creation of this relationship! Our responsibility lies only in making Christ's glory known to the hearts of man, and in building up the lives of the children of the Burning Heart!

May your joy be multiplied in your reliance upon Christ to reach those on your hearts!

I do wonder though, to what extent should the Gospel be contextualized? It is obvious that Paul became all things to all men, and spoke in a way condusive to further connection with his audiences. But the message was unfaultering in remaining the identical core. It seems that more often we have flipped this, contextualizing the Gospel to its detriment and giving no thought in how to approach our target audience graciously.

Any thoughts on this?

2009-01-21T13:27:00.003-05:00

I think there is truly a balance in every issue in life.
At simple face value, this may sound really obvious to some while striking others as very simplistic or coping out. Let me dig a bit.

I have lots of friends who are very passionate. This is just something Christ does in people. And it is good. I have worked in many a factory surrounded by people content to simply work, watch TV, and sleep, with occasional weekend partying. I am heartbroken over this lack of desire for any purpose in life. I wish there was some way to get into some one's heart and cause them to desire or have hope for more.
But I think that passionate people carry their own list of issues, some of which are often in desiring clarity in thinking. I'm not really talking about the obvious issues of people who always speak their mind without concern, arguing to prove their point's validity to no end. I'm talking about something deeper.
I see that in many very deeply concerned issues of the Christian life, there is always a tense balance between two extremes. Much of the Bible is written this way.

Two Words. Grace and Works.
But seriously, I would venture to say that almost every single point that one could make from Scripture could be responded to with a valid counter statement which balances it out. While God deals in absolutes when it comes to morality and His own standards, much of Scripture, when weighed as a whole, comes out somewhere in the middle between two counter balancing truths. Often the best way to follow God in a situation is totally circumstantial. In the end, the only constant solution is obedience and faith.

I've been burnt pretty badly in my time here thus far.
I've been an arguer and debater my entire life, its just always been surrounding me, and I became good at it. But the intensity of failure of relationships in the past leaves me scared. Perhaps the greatest factors in these tremendous loses are these attitudes which where already leaving a bad taste in my mouth. I hate that I have lost important people because of my own desire to be right about stupid things, compounded over a span of years, which turned great and encouraging intimate friendships into meaningless hollow memories. This leaves me at a point where philosophical and theological debate leave me drained from the first word of rebuttal. I can't handle this anymore.
I think we get pretty ridiculous about this. People may be completely led by the Spirit to intensely study a certain topic, find immense truth, and then from this make leaping, overarching statements that they deem all-inclusive. Others have been restored from horrible trauma in their past, but even so come to completely one-sided conclusions about what God's truth is about the general issues involved.
I guess I have come to a point where I can't stand the ways in which we think we figure things out. Wasn't the purpose of salvation that we couldn't get things right? So we continue to study and develop our love relationships with Christ, but by no means should we be eagerly seeking a bottom line.
Are we really supposed to have a theses statement for life?
Isn't it a bit above our heads?
I mean, where is faith when your just seeking to find all the answers?

2009-01-09T10:05:00.007-05:00

Look again at this imagery of marriage in regards to our relation to Christ. When I wrote the original post on the topic, I said that marriage is a very vivid example of what we should and can experience in relationship with God, but that it is also a very poor shadow of how great this relationship can be. I went on to discuss the ways in which we should be able to experience emotions and a mind set surprisingly similar to marriage, but I never really talked about the great distance above and beyond which is available with Christ.

Envision the perfect marriage. This brings to mind a different definition to many people, some wouldn't even agree that there could be such a thing with all of the brokenness surrounding us. But I find that the more I pour myself into Christ, the more I gain vision for right relationships, even if I don't see them in reality before me.

My point is not really to define the perfect interaction of a couple, but to realize something else. We still have a broken relationship, a marriage to Christ with a fault running across its foundation. We still live as a broken, distrusting wife in our flesh. This is the reason that people like Paul look forward with such anticipation toward a world beyond this. Then the marriage will be perfected. But be humbled and strengthen, renewed in exaltation of your groom in realizing this.

The groom is always faithful, even in the many circumstances when His bride is not aware or paying attention. He is full of integrity in all His interactions. When He is slandered, He does not lash out at offenders or speak to others of His great misfortune. But His bride is often quick to react in His defense in a way in which He Himself would not react or find becoming. And while this bride extols Him in this way and praises Him to others, she often treats Him poorly, or disregards the things she would claim about Him when she is more contented. All of her attitudes are dependant on her mood or her emotions. Others may only hear or see nice things, but her husband is constantly faced with a very violently obvious division of contradicting emotions. While she reaps all the benefits of a selfless lover, He is left confused and emotionally weary by her actions toward Him.

This sounds like a rough marriage situation. It doesn't sound nearly as bad as many marriages today, but is both sad and beautiful. It is sad to see something broken, only kept beautiful and intact by the actions of one member.

But realize that this is all true of your relationship with Christ. Your the bride. Your so lucky to have His undying affections! We treat Him so poorly, it almost seems a negative when we do occasionally appreciate Him, because it shows just how much our circumstances decide our opinions of our Great Lover, and how much we ultimately worship and love ourselves instead.

But there is so much beauty in God's constant faithfulness in love to us. He is the Husband who never leave in any circumstance, and never even falters in demeanor, focus, or passion. God be praised that, while we still find ways to destroy our relationship with Him, He is constantly glorifying Himself through His faithfulness to us! We are the luckiest people to have such faithfulness exacted out into our lives daily! Let this affect us greatly.

2009-01-07T13:19:00.003-05:00

It is this love relationship on which I recently wrote which God continues to expand in my view.

As of late, God has built a new awareness into my life. He has layered on understand and new perceptions in rapid succession. He has been revealing to me what I should be looking for in a wife.

Woah.

Wait a second, what does this have to do with anything I have been writing about? Let me disclaimer this post by saying that I am not seeking a relationship right now, that's not where my mind is, in fact, as you read hopefully you will understand how much I'm trying to ignore the idea of a relationship until God throws something in my face.

I have been earnestly seeking God. This is only by His hand, for I have no skill in this as a very broken man. But He is always faithful, and I have been reaping blessings through the Scripture, Godly friends, and general revelation. As strange as it may sound, the more I have been seeking Christ, the more I have been coming to understand marriage. God started to show me simply things, but in His flawless light. Things that don't sound extraordinary, like that I should never been looking at any feature in a possible mate other than the extent of their personal devotion to Christ and the similarity of their heart to His.

I haven't been studying marriage, or looking through Scripture specifically related to it. But daily I receive a new perspective on how much more my relationship with Christ is than a marriage could ever be. Marriage done properly is a very vivid shadow of what our relationship with Christ is, but also a very poor shadow of the extreme nature of this relationship. The emotions we have about other people in romantic relationships are the ones we should be strangely close to having about Christ. Every poor blind human scouring the earth for someone to fall in and out of love with is truly a being seeking back the lost King of His heart. Every perfect romantic fairy tale or movie plot is really a shadow of a much greater relationship meant to be had with God.

A perfect marriage, which we don't really see often, includes most of the attitudes and feelings we should have toward Christ. But the most exquisite marriage is no match for the greatness of what God has dreamed for us.

So to truly be Christ's bride, I should treat him as I would if I where someones wife.

This has been a strange but empowering perspective for me recently. I don't mean acting feminine in any way, I am actually continually striving toward manlier manhood. But I do mean looking at life as if every decision affects both myself and the man who is leading me. It means learning to submit in every single situation, so that my opinion doesn't determine the outcome. This new perspective has me making disciplined decisions to devote things to Christ, because He has to be my priority for this relationship to work. I'm sure there are so many other analogies that don't come to my head immediately, all of which are equally valid and revealing.

So I try earnestly to live my whole day, every day, thinking about the relationship I have committed myself to in salvation. The perspective that is so transforming in creating a healthy marriage is exactly what is needed in creating a healthy life with Christ! And this relationship must always take priority over any human one. A marriage is only designated by God, not something we should be looking to for personal gratification.

So even though I have been learning alot about marriage, I am at the same time becoming more cautious about stumbling upon relationships. My blinders are up, and I am hoping and praying that only a miracle could bring them down.

But it does stand true, if I ever want to be a good husband, I have to learn to be a great wife.

2009-01-06T09:35:00.003-05:00

At the Gathering this week, God spoke through a friend into my life. This is pretty much the norm.
He said, basically, that God is not desirous of what we are able to do for Him. While our talents, abilities, and areas of expertise are definitely valid to be useful, God is not looking for us to be figuring out all the great things we can do with those talents. He wants us to be faithful in being useful where we are. This was ice water in my spiritual face.
I have been trying to discern God's will for me among the torrent of various options and possibilities available as I settle back in at home. I have been seeking God's face in this, and looking for interesting or cool possibilities. But I don't think God necessarily wants me to look for the neat ministry I was thinking I might be equipped to pull off. He wants me available to do what he wants.
So I put the ideas I have been mulling over off to the side, and I looked for ways that I could be selflessly serving the needs that God was trying to fill. I found the opportunity before I totally realized I was looking. So God gave me the opportunity to serve Him in a more lowly, less skill/talent oriented fashion, and it was a great blessing. To do a more lowly job is a great way to truly experience God's will.
It is amazing however, how easily we can do something humbling with a prideful spirit. How does it work out that we can serve God in a hole somewhere and then brag about how humbling it was? So perhaps we find ourselves in one of three positions.
In the first position, we are unwilling to do what God would have us or blind to what the is. We do nothing of true benefit in this category.
In the second, we see and follow through with the service of God, and it is good for us and molds us, but we see it at face value, a work and stretch that grew us.
But the third, this is the greatest, to live in simple love relationship with God in a manner that yearns to be only working in the hole on the other side of the world. A love relationship so real that serving God needs no fruit whatsoever, because its just for Him, and His satisfaction is the only fruit we would see anyway.
A friend told me a story recently about a man going to heaven and coming back. I think we have a common feeling sometimes about this type of Lazurus story. We wonder, how could this person who has seen the presence of God stand to come back to earth once more. But when this man was asked about this, his response was that to be so overwhelmed with adoration for God only loans itself to be unwavering in doing whatever He could possibly ask of us.
I once had one of the most worshipful experiences of my life standing at the end of a steel press in a factory, praise God for his glory! I don't see this as something to brag about, but something I desire. I want to be contented to work in a deep hole without the knowledge of any other being aside from the Lord. I want that love with Him to break all fleshly desires for anything else!

2009-01-06T09:05:00.003-05:00

Since returning to Kentucky, the highlight has been attending a house church locally called The Gathering. I knew about this group coming back, but I really wasn't prepared for the great depths to which the Lord is moving with this community.

I have friends who are much better at friendship than I am, and they had been faithful while I was gone to keep in pretty regular contact with me. You know who you are. So coming back into the area, I knew that my group of friends in Bellevue were getting pretty involved with discipleship and had partnered with a group they where pretty familiar with in Ft. Thomas, even though I didn't really know any of these people.

God is intense! He faithfully moves upon us when we seek His face. It is so refreshing to have such authentic community!

This week I felt kind of like I had receive a laundry list from God. But it was great, exactly what I needed and was ready for. I felt like every point made by those present was something I had to respond to with an "oh yeah, I should really start living that out" mentality.

One of the largest things that God keeps rehashing these past few days is that my love relationship with Him should be my only true priority. All of the so called "blessings" we have in life are ultimately most often simply distractions. I was discussing this over coffee with a friend last night. Neither of us are really coffee drinkers, definitely not Starbucks junkies. But there we where, for the purpose of growing together in Christ. Is it weird that we both drank tea at Starbucks? I was afraid they might kick us out... But as we where talking about how perhaps we should rethink our definition of blessings, since most of the things we call blessings are just big distractions, God brought Philippians 1:22 to my mind. Now I think many Christians automatically recognize this "To live is Christ, to die is gain" passage, but I had just read it that morning, and had specifically realized that I still have never been sure of what "to live is Christ" could possibly mean. It sounds like bad grammar or deep philosophy, maybe both. But I had never really come to grips with that term, even though I had thought about this issue before.

But here is the truth. The only satisfaction and sustainance in this life is Christ. To use a Tozer analogy, God gave man all things to bless him, then man sinned, taking God off of the throne of his heart and continuously trying to replace Him by utilizing these various blessings as throne substitutes. The things which bind us are perversions of those things given us by God. To live is Christ. Therefore, to live is to experiance a constant love relationship with God, to be constantly pushing aside the broken blessings the world is holding up in our faces. To live is Christ. All else falls ultimately into the category of distraction. The only thing I should want is Christ's intimacy and the ablity to serve Him in what He asks of me.

To live is Christ.

To live is Christ!

2008-12-26T16:03:00.002-05:00

I took a break from writing on here... moved home, got readjusted, renewed the friendships I have missed so much.

Then came the holidays.

So as I sit here typing on the day after Christmas, I am amazingly broken. "Dang," your all saying to yourselves, "I was totally blindsided by that negativity factor in this post." The truth is that I have spent the holidays thus far with many friends and family, and the majority of the time spent has been a delight. I have been so amazingly blessed by God with great close friends who are an amazingly Godly influence in my life. I have friends who I really do consider family, people I care about so dearly. God be praised for His glory seen in His people.

But there is a great anomaly that exists. I do not understand what the root of this is, but it becomes more evident this year than any prior. I am heartbroken and devestated that there are Christians in my life who steal away the hope and joy that Christ plants in me.

I want to be a joyful person, and have some much to hope for. Christ is always eternally faithful to us, and He shows himself evident in so many ways and through so many relationships. But why is it that when I go into secular family settings I leave encouraged by the festivities and goodwill among famly, and when I leave Christian family events I am exhausted and wishing I could see the purpose in it all?

The nature of this situation brings about a disturbing point, in that Christ's greatest commandments were to love God and then to love men. The New Testament also teaches that we should love Christians more greatly than others, and that Christ is seen in this action. So ultimately, the two greatest commandments are to love God and love Christians. But this doesn't happen.

I also realize that I am equally to blame in this situation. My heart is broken to know that I see this coming every time and yet fall into that sin of self-declaration and self-promotion. Oh Lord, please humble me so that I may truly serve you when my plan of attack is doomed from the start.

On a more positive note, its nice to have a healthy dose of reality when it comes to my personal fallen nature.

Oh God, renew my hope in Yourself alone, apart from humanity, and give me the strength to interact humbly and with Your glory in mind and heart!

2008-12-10T21:47:00.008-05:00

These days ...
I feel like everyone I know is either...
Getting married ...
Or Dying.

I really hope that doesn't offend anyone.

I don't even really think I have any way to expound on these. It just seems like every week, someone announces an engagement. This is fine with me, I am overjoyed by this news almost every single time. Half of the time all I can think is "finally, its about time!" So this is a good thing, it just seems like it is everyone, all the time. Everything is shifting, a million little changes that don't effect me, but change the world around me, the one I interact in. Lives I invest in, changing without me.

And people die.

They always have. I even knew some of them. But now it seems like I know all of them. At least once every six months. That is way too often. And they're getting closer too. I have had 4 friends, even family from my high school graduating class lose their fathers from during high school to now. Yesterday my high school art teacher passed away. He was so healthy and full of life when I had him just a handful of years ago. I heard he had cancer awhile back but then I just fell out of the loop. Suddenly I find out that he is cancer free, but his body is so broken that its simply failing. And that is a morose picture of life in general. Fighting our hardest and even triumph leave a man broken practically beyond repair. It reminds me of Tolkien's writings. He built a world where even when good triumphs, there is an almost destroying cost. Frodo can't stay any longer.

I guess that's where I am. When someone dies, it changes everything. We're not naive enough to say that things were ever perfect before this, but at least there was an order. Now things we don't even realize and things we never thought would change because of this, change. Every relationship that interacted with or brushed closely to one of theirs is altered. How do I interact with so-and-so now? Some begin to move in an entirely different direction with their life, old friends completely irrelevant to the situation are slowly discarded for new directions. The family deck is shuffled, and no one comes out with anything that seems worthy of playing.

Will things ever just settle into place? It seems no matter the amount of time or the changing to accommodate the circumstances by surviving parties, everything remains unsettled. Like a snow globe that never goes still. Something is still not at rest long long after any novelty has worn away.

It was strange this most recent time. I really loved that professor. I haven't remained close to him or anything, we didn't have a closer bond than he did with other students, but he was just an authentic guy.

Authentic artist. One memory that surprised me because of how sad it was for me was thinking of a time when I watched him simply sketch. I was amazed by his skill, just thinking about how incredibly all those years had paid off. And to see the joy of a man who I knew most as a teacher, enjoying what he fought so hard to instill in me.

Authentic teacher. He wasn't anything other than what a teacher should be. A mature leader who was personally experienced in what he was teaching and invested in each student's success.

Authentic Christian. He wasn't some theologian or pastor. But he lived it. Sometimes I am so greatly more impressed by those who have their priorities first on Christ when He has nothing to do with their paycheck and would not naturally find His way into their daily interactions.

Its interesting, to feel this way. See, they never fade really. The deaths just pile up. I guess I've reached that point of adulthood where my memories will last, unlike thinking back to the fuzzy freshman or sophomore years of high school. Every time someone dies, its just added to the others. And they all feel fresh again.

2008-12-08T20:44:00.004-05:00

So I have been very busy lately, and thus the lack of posting. But the story is that I am moving cross-country at the end of the week, back home. So I have a lot of things to do that don't necessarily include opening my heart up to you on here. Sorry.

Check out my wish list though...

Manly Stuff

2008-11-29T23:32:00.000-05:00

My Plans for Christmas '08

Send your own ElfYourself eCards

2008-11-28T13:59:00.007-05:00

A Fashion Update.

Ok, I really creeped myself out writing that. I'll try to stop that kind of stuff.

Here's a quick update on those razors. If your an avid straight razoree, please forgive the bluntness of my naivete.

So I got my razors, and 3 of the 6 were in pretty decent condition. One has a broken hinge, another is almost rusted through on the blade edge, and another has a very loose hinge. The one with the loose hinge is actually the one which seems to be in the best of condition as far as how new and clean it looks, so I'm thinking I will still try to use it since I don't foresee any disasters taking place on account of a loose hinge pin.

A few days after the blades arrived, I received another package holding shaving soaps, a strop, and a hone. At this point I was able to start bringing the razor blades up to speed sharpness-wise. I don't know what I was expecting, but I definitely didn't have to do as much work as I thought I would, but at the same time the blades didn't seem as sharp as I would have thought. The only way I knew how to do anything is thanks to youtube videos, which told me my blades were ready even when I wouldn't have assumed such. But they have worked, and they have worked well.

So this brings up an obvious discrepancy. Its November. No-Shave November. So I cheated. But common, it was my birthday, and I started No-Shave a little early anyway, so it had been a month. Please forgive me. I have used two of the blades, and I have had no Sweeney Todd type accidents befall me. I know it sounds dangerous, but I'm actually surprised at how careless I can be with these blades. I have barely even nicked myself enough to see any red. So things are going great there, but I am faced with a harsh reality. I love growing facial hair. But now I love straight razor shaving. This can only mean more stress for myself in the future.

On another note, I did something that most would be ashamed to admit. I clicked a facebook ad. What can I say, it was about tailored suits! But seriously, this is no regular "check out our wares" type of company! They have a treasure chest of amazing men's clothing information, and a library even! So please, if you have any interest in dressing nicely and being a man, check this out!

A Tailored Suit

Their Blog

2008-11-27T13:03:00.008-05:00

A note on this finest of holiday, when it is interesting to think about the spiritual nature of such an event.

Now Thanksgiving is not what I would call a religious holiday. It may be connected historically with the story of some new neighbors with sweet brass buckle shoes and some American Indian chefs offering their most succulent of local recipes, but this story simply tacks on the idea of God being involved to add a reasonable conclusion for the name. I'll come back to the name.

But I am truly convinced that society since the establishment of this as a national holiday has not taken any queue from the religious frame of the original tale. I would hold that only the most devote of atheists would even think to object to this holiday in any way. I wouldn't be surprise to see an entire extended family of atheists using Thanksgiving as a time for family reunion. I assume such families exist.

Regardless, Thanksgiving isn't a very well conceived name for most. The name is so simple, just two words unnaturally combined together. In any other situation any grammarian would object greatly. The first word is given a few minutes of fame at most thoughtful or traditional Thanksgiving events. Given, this isn't much, but its a start.

But giving.

The word "giving" is simple to analyze, a first year English student could tackle it. Its a form of "give" which in any form implies two parties involved. So the avoided or ignored question becomes simply, "Who are you giving to?" Most are not really giving to anyone on Thanksgiving. Some are giving to friends and family, or trying to convince themselves and/or others to the same effect. But such a very few are giving to the One whom they can truly thank for being at the end of any train of actions. The giving is the key. Is anyone really giving at all? And to whom?

This holiday is such a great opportunity. In my opinion(which shouldn't sway you too much) it is one of the greatest opportunities for the Christian to honor God in a holiday for in modern American culture, and the greatest natural opportunity for the Gospel. I mean, common, Christmas is not a holiday to be simply dismisses. Almost without fail, all recognized holiday have a grand opportunity to glorify God within them. However, take a look at the modern state of things. Christmas is a day with a history of confusion. Halloween literally has a greater Christian history than Christmas. But today, Christmas in society is mostly either commercialized, or people complaining about commercialization and begging off for a more traditional outlook. But Linus isn't wrong in this.

Christmas is a great time to reflect and be thankful. In this respect it is the same as Thanksgiving. Easter is perhaps the greatest of Christian holiday opportunities. It is a day widely remembered to be more about Christ's death than eggs and sweet new clothes. But my contention lies the mostly greatly in the missional opportunity within Thanksgiving. Thanksgiving is an opportunity to thank God in a greater spectrum than Christmas or Easter, although I would hold that Easter is a needed opportunity to focus more greatly on the greatest of issue in life. Thanksgiving gives us the chance to be purposeful for an entire day, or even an entire holiday break, to think about how infinitely blessed are we. It also creates a great situation for ministry opportunity. A small amount of focus on a Christian's part can provide thought-provoking and life altering insight and perspective for those surrounding him.

At this point I am reminded of one of my favorite classic movie characters, one Elwood P. Dowd. Jimmy Stewart portrayed this slightly delusional character, bent on seeing the good in every situation and person. Throughout the movie Harvey, he asks everyone he meets over for dinner. From the cab driver to the parolee bum to the psychiatric physicians meant to "cure" him. The movie ends before this dinner, but I would find the greatest of joys in seeing this mish-mash of acquaintances who are shown such affection by an almost-stranger. This would make a beautiful scene of Christian service on Thanksgiving.

Thanksgiving provides a truly magnificent opportunity to glorify God not simply in remembrance or honoring thoughts, but in pro-active accomplishment of thankful service and true conversion to more appropriate mental frameworks.

2008-11-27T12:37:00.003-05:00

Happy Thanksgiving!

I read today a message for a great friend who is a missionary to Ireland. In his Thanksgiving greetings he discussed how they miss their family but also feel so truly blessed in their current circumstances.

Being away this year myself, I won't get to see family whom I've missed out on for at least 6 months or so. It is interesting to me to think about the fact that those who are willing to take big leaps of faith for God are always put in this position. God does not take the faithful out of a place of discomfort to use them. He takes them from their homes, their families, and their comfortable surroundings, and He takes them somewhere that seems by far a downgrade in physical or emotional standards. But this is no discouragement for the Children of the Burning Heart. The true discouragement for these ones would be in resounding discord created in the deepest relationship of their existence. So within this truth lies the fact, that the greatest of blessings in all of human existence is to commune with God and live within the confines of His glory.

Those of us who live away from home for the right reasons must come to the conclusion that the ones we miss on Thanksgiving are far away simply because God's blessing can't all exist collinear in our lives. While we give thanks for the people God has blessed us with, we thank Him all the more for putting us in a place away from them, and all the closer to Him.

For those missing holidays with close ones because of larger purposes lived for, I love and miss my family as you all do and I thank God for them and all the more greatly for putting me in His will, which is the greatest of blessings! Thank you for your commitment to God!

2008-11-24T12:32:00.006-05:00

This year, on my birthday today, I am personally inspired. On a day set aside to reflect, I find a desire to me a greater man. And it is in the stories of these modern men that I find a reflection of the man I want to be. Please, check out the Art Of Manliness Man Of The Year 2008 candidates, read their nominations, and vote for a manly man. Be encouraged, true manhood still shines brightly in the few places it remains!

2008-11-18T02:24:00.003-05:00

So I have finally fulfilled a desire long awoken in myself.

Yesterday, via ebay, I was able to become the proud owner of a set of six various antique straight razors. As my appreciation for classic culture and tradition has increased, the straight razor method of shaving has become more and more apparent as a beautiful part of traditional male grooming.

While many modern straight razors are cheaply hewn together, a true quality blade will last almost indefinitely. I did my research, and found most of these blades were actually made by companies that only produced until the 1930's to 1960's, so these things are legit when it comes to age. While they look in poor condition, those trusted in the online classic shaving forums (which most definitely exist) seem to be trusted all around in stating that an quality blade of any antique age is still more reliable that many newer cheap blades, if it is in good condition and honed and stroped.

So as you view these blades, please understand that, while they look quite unuseful, at least a couple of them should be up to speed quite soon, and even if only one proves useful, I'll be proud to own the other 5 as well!

I'll keep you updated on how this venture proceeds!

2008-11-15T14:26:00.003-05:00

A summary of the superior nature of the new James Bond character.

I think the reason that this new Bond is so different and foreign to people is because series creators finally caught on to the whole, "we can start over and remake a series with planned progressive sequels" craze that has swept Hollywood, specifically concerning comic book style action heroes.

I think that the old Bonds were tall and dark haired without any sense of humanity in their being. This new Bond really does seem like the character he is summed up as by Vesper in Casino Royale, an orphan type who has been raise in a high class setting with a huge chip on his shoulder, and one who sees right and wrong very clearly.

The entire plot thus far of both of these series start-over movies is wrapped up in a simple and very emotional plot. Bond is originally a man who believes that good is good, bad is bad, and they are always black and white. He has no remorse when bad men die, and he really expresses a sense of justice being accomplished in the few glimpse we see into him. The reason he seems so cold-hearted seems obvious to me. Assuming that Vesper's assessment is somewhat correct, Bond has truly been raised as a product of the system. He has never had any family life, and everything he knows as truth is taught him by the system. This is the new starting point that this series has taken on.

From there it only makes sense that when someone dies, Bond is quick to put on a face that says he didn't care anyway, trying to convince himself to believe the same. But we see certain cases when this is just proven false. From the scene of sitting in the shower in Casino Royale and the scene in the burning room in Quantum (interestingly parallel experiences of comforting someone he loves in water and fire...), we know that Bond truly wants to protect those he values. The entire second movie, which is admittedly sparse in plot development in comparison to the first, is about Bond trying not to let his intense emotions of revenge and justice take hold of the situation. All in all, this new Bond is truly summed up by emotion. While the old Bonds had gadgets, girls, and wildly disfigured villains, this is a man in the real world, who actually carries a past with him into each movie. He's learning to care, and that right and wrong and good and evil are not as clear as he thought before becoming a double O.

This Bond is human.

2008-11-14T20:18:00.002-05:00

So now your wondering what exactly this job is huh?

Your thinking, gee, that was great and spiritual and all, but what is this job, you didn't explain it at all!

Your probably yelling at your computer screen, at least in your mind.

Well just relax okay? I'm working on it...

The company I now work for....

I love messing with ya now that your hopes are up...

Okay, I work for a company that deals in ticket pre-sales, fan club maintenance, online merchandising, and marketing of USB live performance software among other things, working closely with major recording artists and some companies. Basically, I maintain online merch, work with customers, and help run work with the live performance USBs.

But on occasion, I get to travel!

This occasion has only happened once so far, but with future opportunity awaiting.

This one occasion took place last Thursday through Monday, with a backdrop of bright lights and dark shadows.

That is, Las Vegas.

It was a great trip, I got to fly, see the city, work hard, and see my awesome friend Lindsey Peonie. But let me sum it all up with the first days events.

I woke up in Austin at about 5:45 am, to get to the airport at a decent time. Although that is not a decent time. I got to the airport and took off at about 7:40, arrived in Phoenix, sat on the plane, then flew on to Las Vegas, arriving at something like 11 am there.

I was picked up by my co-worker Aaron, who I had never previously met, and we proceeded to the hotel. I threw my bags in his room, since I hadn't recieved one yet, and we proceeded to the hotel's casino floor to eat at one of 6 restaurants. After having a late breakfast, we went to his room, discussing work and waiting on my room reservations to come through.

I started to doze on his couch.

Therefore, I decided to check on my room. Via text and calls, Norman told me it should be ready. The intimidating line at the front desk had obviously been observed and calculated for, and it moved along with great ease. When I quickly reached the front, I was directed to one of the desks, at which the young lady informed me that the room was reserved but that the necessary credit card verification had not come through. I didn't want that hanging over my personal credit card, so I bowed out of the line and called Norman. He said he would notify me when it came through.

I sat.

For 45 minutes.

I finally just got in the line again. As it moved I figured I had like a 1 in 8 chance of getting the same girl again, which I actually hoped for because she somehow managed to come across sympathetically in a chaotic lobby of guests. Plus I think she was a manager or something. But my odds were with those of most of the casino gamblers surrounding the front desk area, and I drew another girl at the opposite end of the counter. I had the smart idea of calling Norman as I approached the desk, so I could talk to them at the same time. Possibly rude, remarkably efficient.

She said it still hadn't gone through, and he said they were working on it at the office. So I sat back down again. Half an hour later I decided to get back in the line. My odds of getting a repeat clerk had spiked up to 2 out of 8, which is easily rounded to 1 out of 4 with only the slightest math. But, as you better know if your going to Vegas, those are still bad odds. I got a young guy. I think this hotel is one of those places where they pay you extra to be really really nice, because they all seemed well composed. Maybe they were just used to it. Maybe the weak ones were just weeded out long ago. He went back to see if the fax had come through. I gave him about 5 minutes. He gave me a room key.

From there, I lugged my stuff back through the smoky casino to the elevators. I was still shocked they allow smoking inside such a fancy place. Sign of my age maybe. The first time I saw a guy smoking I thought, he's gonna get busted! Then I realized they were all doing it.

In my room I managed to pull a 45 minute nap that was so deep I forgot were I was and why. I almost forgot who I was. From there, we went to the Thomas Mack Center, the college stadium where the Bull Riding Championship we were recording was taking place. I would learn well the tricks of the trade for navagating hallways crowded with 1,000 cowboys.

After working from about 2:30 to 10:30, we were starved. We went to the Hard Rock Hotel and ate at a place that would have appeared as a high quality greasy spoon with low level class anywhere else. But in Vegas, it was simply clique'. Mr. Lucky made me a couple eggs benedict with Hollandaise sauce, and we chatted about Rick Ruben and the club next door that sounded like it was about to spill through the wall at any moment.

We finally went back to the car, at which point we decided to drive down the strip. It was a good compromise, since we were tired and full but I hadn't seen anything yet. We were stopped at a red light, going south just before reaching the Bellagio, of Ocean's 11 fame. I could practically see the movie starting before my eyes.

So we're stopped, chatting about something much less interesting that the rest of this story, when a Blazer wedges itself between the car to our left and us, plowing through and taking half of each car's front fender, all while aiming at the taxi in front of us. After hitting the three of us, the driver slowly meanders out into the perpendicular moving traffic, slowly waiting, then took a quick left when the traffic dissipated. He was soon followed by 4-5 cruisers and a few motorcycles too.

We sat in traffic for about 15 minutes. Then we pulled off on a side road. I saw the top of the Bellagio fountains going off in the distance over some buildings. For some reason, the cops take your license to run even where your a passanger in a vehicle that was not at fault in a hit and run. We sat out in the cold for an hour and a half. One of the cops was nice enough to tell us "Welcome to Vegas!" It was 1:30 am. That's 3:30 am in Austin, where I had gotten up that morning at 5:30.

Finally, the cops came back and told us the story. I guess there was a silver lining. The guy and some others had broken into homes, stolen guns, stolen vehicles (aka- the Blazer) and then caught the attention of a cop looking for him. He caused like 4 of 5 similar accidents to ours, then got himself cornered in a parking garage. Being a natural born genius, he jumped from the second floor, broke both legs, and was in the hospital. Lucky guy was in bed, but I'm sitting on the street by a bus stop. One of his friends was pulled over on the highway and arrested, and another was sleeping in one of the hotels, about to get a wake up call courtesy the Las Vegas PD.

I guess that made a 22 hour day kinda worth it.

Oh yeah, and the taxi driver found a strip from the side of the blazer wedged up under his car. Apparently their vehicles had become so intimate that his rear wheel well had peeled the side panel off the offending vehicle.

And they let him keep it.

Oh well, I had to buy my souviner.

2008-11-13T20:27:00.003-05:00

So I haven't written in at least a week.

I feel like a rotten scoundrel.
My apologies.

Perhaps this will explain somewhat....

About two and a half weeks ago I received a phone call which I missed, as often happens in my case. Later that day, I missed another almost identical attempt at cellular communication.

The attempts were made by one Norman Furley, a man I have come to greatly admire in recent months. He has been speaking on a weekly basis to the youth at Grace where I orchestrate Sunday morning worship. I had come to greatly admire his speaking and the truth he brought to the student populace. I had interacted with Norman via phone before for youth group coordinating purposes, and assumed this was a similar call. But his short message sounded urgent. I called back, left a message, and started a game of phone tag.

When Norman called me back, some 8-12 hours after his original call to me, he asked me if I would consider staying in Texas longer than the remaining planned two month. He went on to say he has just started a new job and would love to hire me on to work with them there, and wanted me to come in and check it out. I agreed to at least look the place over.

Two days later I showed up early on a Friday, decked out to make a good impression. He showed me the whole place, running from here to there and filling me in on what each person or room was dedicated to, and what was cool or screwed up about each part of the job. He told me what he thought were good things and what he thought were back things. Then I responded.

I really loved the idea of the job, but I wasn't able to say I could commit to a longer stay. He said he was willing to hire me on temporarily for a month and a half, and to spend my weekend praying about it. Can't argue with that.

As I prayed over it, I saw a lot of opportunity there, a lot of fun things I would enjoy, and a good connection as well both Spiritually and for my resume. I couldn't find any reason to reject, but I prayed for a sign. On that Sunday, Norman spoke for the last time. The topic was on how what you do with your life affects who you are. He took this directly to speaking about the student's college and career plans for the future. He explained how he was designed by God to be a person who did all kinds of different things in his life. How he had never had a "real job." How 18 months ago he was working with wielders and this past week he was backstage of the Ellen show with Cher. He explained how God used him in so many different places, but he was never defined by what he was doing, but always by God and his glory and purpose in that place. He said that because he was God's he could take great risks and make huge leaps because he knew God was in control.

This was a sign. I have always said I was designed to do different things, only staying with things for a time. I thought I made it up though. I never heard anyone sympathize with this view, let alone proclaim it as God's design to use him personally for His glory!

Now I have a crazy awesome job, it keeps me really busy and I'm waiting to see what comes of it, hoping to utilize it in the way Norman explained it.

2008-11-04T00:30:00.005-05:00

I want to find
A grand slab of concrete
That all of man long left behind

And I would take to it
A bright, brilliant palette
Of colors your money can't buy

And you'd see a beauty
Reflecting reality
Minus the fall by the tree

You'd soon see a face there
Reflecting such grace that
It'd rapture your heartstrings and mind

How can this be true?
How can this be true?

How can this be true
And we never even knew
And we spent our lives running away?

How can this goodness
How can this be righteous
Our broken hearts have turned us away

2008-11-04T00:10:00.002-05:00

A Classic Instruction Continued

Now that you have allowed the previous information to sink in, consider this...

Are You Popular?

2008-10-30T04:44:00.004-04:00

A Classic Instruction

We all know we've been looking for some kind of guidance in this area our entire lives.

Well, sit back, dim the lights, and prepare to take some vigorous notes, here's everything you need!

2008-10-29T16:13:00.005-04:00

Thank God for kindred souls, fedoras, and barber shops!

Thanks to another burning heart who is generally known to myself as a provider of genius insights and delicious information, I am now familiar with and captivated by The Art Of Manliness, an epic blog proudly promoting manly living along with all of which that entails. From classic attire to developing deep manly relational bonds, this genius blog reignites a historic manhood which recent generations have tossed aside and buried. For many I find this could be just the God-send your looking for guidance on true masculinity and how to live like a man in an age of hoary-headed little boys!

Please enjoy and let me know if you enjoy this as greatly as I do!

2008-10-26T02:41:00.006-04:00

Let me lend a few textual observations as a precursor to the paragraph I wish to observe. This piece, quoted from the chapter entitled, "The Speaking Voice" in Tozer's Pursuit of God is a very strange piece for Tozer indeed. In general, Tozer speaks with great authority, only covering topics in which he would claim a certain assurance. This text, obviously, is a statement interjected as one with a liberty of being passed over by the reader. This is the only time I have ever personally stumbled upon this type of statement from Tozer, and it is interesting that the subject matter should be concerning the world of art and aesthetics, in which I hold much personal vested interest. He speaks here more specifically on the subject of human artistic revelation and the divine aspect he sees apparent.

It is my own belief (and here I shall not feel bad if no one follows me) that every good and beautiful thing which man has produced in the world has been the result of his faulty and sin-blocked response to the creative Voice sounding over the earth. The moral philosophers who dreamed their high dreams of virtue, the religious thinkers who speculated about God and immortality, the poets and artists who created out of common stuff pure and lasting beauty: how can we explain them? It is not enough to say simply, `It was genius.' What then is genius? Could it be that a genius is a man haunted by the speaking Voice, laboring and striving like one possessed to achieve ends which he only vaguely understands? That the great man may have missed God in his labors, that he may even have spoken or written against God does not destroy the idea I am advancing. God's redemptive revelation in the Holy Scriptures is necessary to saving faith and peace with God. Faith in a risen Saviour is necessary if the vague stirrings toward immortality are to bring us to restful and satisfying communion with God. To me this is a plausible explanation of all that is best outside of Christ. But you can be a good Christian and not accept my thesis.
- A. W. Tozer

I must admit I heartily agree with this proposition. Tozer's statement stands that artistic and philosophic endeavors are always in response to or questioning further the truth of current state of being or desired alternatives. Man is always expressing his opinion about what is, but all that he interacts with flows forth from the Voice which is constantly sustaining creation and whispering at all men's collars.

2008-10-26T02:35:00.003-04:00

THE VIEWPOINT

"Now thanks be to God, which always causeth us to triumph in Christ." 2 Corinthians 2:14

The viewpoint of a worker for God must not be as near the highest as he can get, it must be the highest. Be careful to maintain strenuously God's point of view, it has to be done every day, bit by bit; don't think on the finite. No outside power can touch the viewpoint.

The viewpoint to maintain is that we are here for one purpose only, viz., to be captives in the train of Christ's triumphs. We are not in God's showroom, we are here to exhibit one thing - the absolute captivity of our lives to Jesus Christ. How small the other points of view are - I am standing alone battling for Jesus; I have to maintain the cause of Christ and hold this fort for Him. Paul says - I am in the train of a conqueror, and it does not matter what the difficulties are, I am always led in triumph. Is this idea being worked out practically in us? Paul's secret joy was that God took him, a red-handed rebel against Jesus Christ, and made him a captive, and now that is all he is here for. Paul's joy was to be a captive of the Lord, he had no other interest in heaven or in earth. It is a shameful thing for a Christian to talk about getting the victory. The Victor ought to have got us so completely that it is His victory all the time, and we are more than conquerors through Him.

"For we are unto God a sweet savour of Christ." We are enwheeled with the odour of Jesus, and wherever we go we are a wonderful refreshment to God.

- Oswald Chambers

There's nothing I can add to this.

2008-10-25T02:13:00.003-04:00

Remember how it felt?

So its finally becoming somewhat cool out in Texas on some days and all evenings... This is something long awaited for by myself. I really love changing seasons in general, but especially cooler weather. I'm missing the beauty of the trees changing in my Midwestern home, I hear the leaves here pretty much just go from green to brown.... but at least the cooler weather is a welcome excuse to dress the way I prefer to and get outdoors just for the heck of it.

So the other night, after it had gotten dark here, my little cousin Emi and I went out for a nice evening bubble blowing on the back patio. It was awesome to say the least. I have the over-anticipatory habit of wearing too many layers because I really want to do so now that its finally cool. So I was practically bundled up, and we made up games and pretended about King Kong and rollercosters. I don't know how to define all the factors that came to play, and don't honestly care to, but something between the weather, the outdoors, the random romping around and the bubble blowing and catching, I felt a weird freedom I haven't felt in like 2 years.

It was so strange.

It was a carefree fun feeling, but a really particular one. Like recognizing an old belonging you haven't seen in years and had forgotten existed. A feeling that really didn't look forward to later events or back on good times, or think anymore deeply than to simply say,

This is really simple fun, and this person I'm with feels the same way. Neither of us are thinking of anything other than dancing on the shadowy patio and blowing, swatting, and stomping bubbles.

It was really liberating to simply remember that this happens. Its not something one can plan on doing, it just takes the right person to be with. I hope to find more occasion for it one day.

2008-10-19T23:57:00.004-04:00

Today I was lucky enough to hear John Piper in person as he came to Austin this week. And, as always, his preaching was completely dumbfounding to my spiritual status. Its funny to think that as I was going in, my excitement was clouded with doubt, thinking "How many times can one person who is so focused on very specific themes keep things completely fresh? I hope this doesn't just seem like reiterations of things I've already heard... " This is not to say that Piper is amazing, but that God is faithful to renew himself and reveal His truth, not to mention the fact that His truth is inexhaustible.

The sermon changed my entire view of the Apostle Paul.

The sermon covered one verse.

Colossians 1:24
Now I rejoice in my sufferings for your sake, and in my flesh I am filling up what is lacking in Christ's afflictions for the sake of his body, that is, the church,

This passage sounds heretical if anything! But the truth is that Paul does not mean he is in any way supplementing Christ's atonement. He is looking at the only thing which Christ did not do himself to complete the gospel plan. Christ did not stay afterward to spread the truth of His resurrection to the world. This is the "filling up"which Paul speaks of. So lets break this down further.

Paul is speaking on his personal suffering. He speaks of his flesh. These are literal physical conditions he is dealing with here.
He is doing something through this suffering, a goal is being accomplished. This goal is filling up what is lacking in Christ's suffering.
Paul's suffering finishes what Christ's suffering cannot. He lives as a fresh and real example of Christ's historic suffering.
This is for the good of the church. He suffers specifically to be a servant to God and give the gospel to those around him and the church.

Paul says in other places that if the gospel is not true, he is to be pitied as a fool above all of humanity! He lived a life completely destroyed. He lists over and again the intense treatment he received, constant near death punishments and plenty of torture, all so he could tell people of a gospel they probably would just hurt him for. He was slandered and looked down on by the Jews, who were his own people, and the Gentiles. He lived in constant knowledge that a lot of people wanted to kill him and he really had very few advocates.

That's a really dumb way to live if there's nothing to look forward to after your always eminent death.

As Christians, we should not only be okay with suffering. We should be looking forward to it as the greatest asset given us with which to honor and worship God and spread His truth! As Americans we stand in complete opposition to this mentality. May our entire physical lives be handed over in great joy to be destroyed completely as a testimony of God's worth and the lacking sufficiency of all of this world's distractions!

Paul lived his entire life in constant suffering and constant joy. He realized that the greatest blessings of this world were completely worthless in comparison to Christ himself and lived a life worthless to himself but completely devoted to God's glory.

I want to suffer so that Christ may be the only thing alive in me!

2008-10-16T23:17:00.003-04:00

A. W. Tozer

Why do some persons `find' God in a way that others do not? Why does God manifest His Presence to some and let multitudes of others struggle along in the half-light of imperfect Christian experience? Of course the will of God is the same for all. He has no favorites within His household. All He has ever done for any of His children He will do for all of His children. The difference lies not with God but with us.

Pick at random a score of great saints whose lives and testimonies are widely known. Let them be Bible characters or well known Christians of post-Biblical times. You will be struck instantly with the fact that the saints were not alike. Sometimes the unlikenesses were so great as to be positively glaring. How different for example was Moses from Isaiah; how different was Elijah from David; how unlike each other were John and Paul, St. Francis and Luther, Finney and Thomas à Kempis. The differences are as wide as human life itself: differences of race, nationality, education, temperament, habit and personal qualities. Yet they all walked, each in his day, upon a high road of spiritual living far above the common way. Their differences must have been incidental and in the eyes of God of no significance. In some vital quality they must have been alike. What was it?

I venture to suggest that the one vital quality which they had in common was spirital receptivity. Something in them was open to heaven, something which urged them Godward. Without attempting anything like a profound analysis I shall say simply that they had spiritual awareness and that they went on to cultivate it until it became the biggest thing in their lives. They differed from the average person in that when they felt the inward longing they did something about it. They acquired the lifelong habit of spiritual response. They were not disobedient to the heavenly vision. As David put it neatly, `When thou saidst, Seek ye my face; my heart said unto thee, Thy face, Lord, will I seek.' (Ps 27:8)

(Pursuit of God, p. 66-67)

2008-10-15T14:27:00.003-04:00

Assuming we can still trust government documents

So I read this and it pretty much defined my stance on the presidential race I've been so unsure of... its been a confusing and propaganda filled campaign trail as usual.

I think that its funny that people complain about single issue voters, like if they feel most strongly about one point they should dilute it with a host of other issues before their opinion becomes valid. So I can't be silent about my other opinions, I have to be equally vocal about the economy to have my views on the war validated?

But oh well...

So I beg you to just follow this link and check out the craziness...
(be sure to check out the actual documents too!)

http://www.albertmohler.com/blog_read.php?id=2630

So how could I justify voting this man into office if he is willing to kill babies after they are accidently born in abortion slip-ups? How could I vote for a man who would have voted against my getting to live?

Its pretty crazy to think that I myself, a bastard son of the mid-80's, probably had a better chance of being cut short of the air-breathing stage of life than of making it to a strapping 22 years old.

I guess I'm just more in favor of babies than I am of privacy.

2008-10-14T21:59:00.006-04:00

Technology is no enemy. Let me get that straight first.

I myself am currently typing this using relatively advanced technology. I don't want to speak too soon, obsolesce is a constant factor scaring even the most intrepid technologists, those fearfully waiting just one more month before buying the latest hardware in terror over the fact that by the time they reach the exit of the Best Buy with their purchase there are going to be two newer versions on the shelves they just scoured.

So I'm actually a huge fan of technology and its communicative enhancement gifts upon the world. I know little about it myself honestly, compared to those ardent enthusiasts I know, such as "Updates in the Life Of..."

But I have this complaint. Not toward anyone, but about modernity in general.

Communication is good. The greater it becomes, the better off are all parties. One can communicate great truth or great poison, but communication itself remains always unbiased. With nearly unprecedented mass communication, the Nazi party converted a nation to aggressive world consuming atrocity and chaotic destruction of its own humanity. Contrastingly, impressive relentless verbal and public communication by early Christians spread a message from a few thousand people to be widely accepted at every corner of the known world.

But there are great flaws in technology. More so in the speed of things I suppose.

I love nature. This love is one I share with many more people than technology appreciation, for sheer sake of a few thousand years head start. But nature is beautiful and simply amazing, an inspiration to all human artistic endeavor in some way. And exploring nature is a chance to reflect, an adventure that entails grand reflection almost intrinsically. Every excursion provides the ability to be quiet and listen to some murmuring tranquility which almost demands for itself silent attention. I constantly think forward with happy anticipation of the next opportunity for such blessings.

But I see a great discord struck between the areas of technology and nature. This is not necessarily an interpersonal dispute, but one that is made clear in personal contrast for myself. I do see characteristics which create this tension however. The truth is that as cultures have advanced in the sciences, communication, and travel throughout history, life has become faster and faster paced. While this has always been true, the truth of this has been exponentially displayed in the 20th and 21st centuries.

J.R.R. Tolkien was one man who saw globalization approaching long before the advent of the internet, and stood in strong opposition to it. He saw an imminent destruction of cultures in blending them too closely. While he had personal affinities toward his rural English shire, he also had a great respect for all local cultures and wanted to see these cultures remain intact. It is truly easy to see that his sentiments were sadly confirmed in a world where no culture is left to its local customs anymore. The truth is that globalization is really only good for big businesses and to make life generally easier.

Now easier sounds better to everyone. Its strange that in a day when life is by far easier than it ever has been before, people continue to value greater ease more and more, like some kind of drug. But the truth is that easier doesn't mean simpler. And the wise have always valued getting away from the aptly named "rat race" for awhile. Many people realize that its far more rewarding to do even the simplest chore in a way that is rewarding versus checking off a to-do list. I think having an easy mentality is actually really damaging and a great way to let life get away from us. If your hoping to look back and try to figure out how all those hours, days, months, and years flew by, this is your mentality of choice.

So I notice that people are distracted from having higher purpose in their lives when they are focused on this globalized, technological, easy world. I also see that nature and living simply bring a greater ability to reflect on true life goals and overarching ideals. This all works out extremely practically in my own life.

All of this is more apparent to me in my own personality. I find myself distracted from living the way I want to through technologies. And I find that taking time out is most eye-opening and rewarding when incorporating a nature get-away. I see an inverse relationship here in my desires too. While I want to live fully and with the purpose I desire, I often fall short of this in technological wallowing. Technological distraction is constantly rearing its ugly head and keeping me from committing to my planned times away from it. I truly feel more and more that I need to keep my technology usage reigned in to specific controlled design, and that this will give me the ability to focus my life all the more greatly. Nature just comes into the picture as something I would be more than happy to replace it with, something which would never have such negative effects.

But of course, technology itself is not to blame. The bigger picture reveals my own lack of self control the culprit. This both lets technology off the hook as to say it is not the true source but also replaces it there as the most formidable of temptations. I have an "Into the Wild" mentality these days, but for completely opposite reasons from those of Alex Supertramp.

2008-10-14T12:18:00.002-04:00

Ohio finally killed a murderous maniac who has been on death row since before I was born!

I cannot believe that all of this is actually taken seriously by our judicial system!

How can someone not be healthy enough for execution?

2008-10-13T20:42:00.003-04:00

Today, I was at a starbuck's having a weekly meeting discussing the music ministry of the youth group I'm working with here in Austin.
As I was listening and contemplating the discussion, I looked out the window at a bird under a table, and noticed something really strange. I don't know how I noticed it so quickly, but for a split second I saw very clearly that this crow-like bird was missing a foot.
Now a birds leg is already just like a stick with two sticks pointing off of the front and one stick pointing off of the back.

See Example.

Who knows how this happened, but I enjoyed it. The bird seemed to function fine this way, and it rocks to see a peg-leg bird. Hoping to see a squirrel with a hook or eye-patch soon.

2008-10-08T15:41:00.004-04:00

So the other day in the middle of my occasional classical music binge I had a reoccurring thought that has become more and more clear in my mind every time it has brought up. We all know that classical composers and orchestral directors are generally greatly admired for their talents and great skill in their work. But the truth is that, in general, modern society doesn't understand what the ins and outs of classical music are, or what truly makes these artist so significant in their work. Most people would be far more enthralled by any old guitar strummer than they would a significant classical genius. This came to me as I was listening to this music and realizing that this one song had flowed almost effortlessly from emotion to emotion, telling a story without using any words or really indicating it would do such. I came to a point where I suddenly felt like somebody had been telling me the story of their past. I realized this when the song took a morose turn, I literally felt like someone just started into a turn in their life story where things just fell apart. I was seriously amazed to think this song without words could evoke so much varied emotion, telling a much larger story than the sum of its notation.

The more I see complexity in various things, the more I realize why people devote themselves to things which seem obscure or a little goofy. This has taken on many different forms in my life, but the underlying similarity is the ever-epiphanatic realization that there may be some good reason people enjoy what they do. Many of these are either lost arts or geographically localized interests. Tap-dancing is something that has always fascinated me. I really don't understand how you can do that with your feet, how you can keep your balance at the same time, or how you could figure out and design a technique for it. Another thing I saw recently was a man who is a vodka taste-testing judge. Now, I would say that the majority of people in this world are split between either those who wouldn't like vodka or those who want the vodka for its alcohol content. But here is a man who obviously does not drink vodka to get wasted, but purely for the taste. And above all of this, I watched amazed as he taste tested 8 shots of vodka and placed them correctly in order of their quality. Obviously he truly has a taste for and intimate understanding of the complex intricacies of vodka's flavor.

The list goes on and on, but the over all theme runs true througout. The things which people are purposeful in often have some interesting complexity and true sense of worth in them. This stands a stark contrast while those activities which are often more socially popular lack any intrinsic value.

2008-10-05T17:38:00.003-04:00

A. W. Tozer said we have a veil.
Faber was crazy in love.
I was once.

Tozer's first name is Aiden. The other night Aiden said something that really hit in a new way. In the Old Testament we see that God revealed Himself to be present in Israel in the Tabernacle. This place is divided into three parts, for those of you less up on your Tabernacle architecture. You have the outer area where sacrifices and more constant interaction with God is done. Then you have the holy place were only the priests can enter. In this area there are various symbolic items, the bronze candlestick symbolizing Christ's light in the world, the shewbread stood for Christ as the Bread of Life, and the alter of incense's constant fragrance reminiscent of prayer being constantly lifted up on our behalf. Going on further, beyond the veil, we have a place which is no longer symbolizing. The Holy of Holies is the place where God's presence itself dwelled. This was God's way of literally manifesting Himself as being in the midst of the Israelites while shielding His holiness from their sin. This is no metaphor, no, this is quite serious. Only one person was allowed there, only once a year, and any wrong move meant certain death.
All this being said, Tozer made a simple point. In the New Testament, immediately upon Christ's death, the veil separating the presence of God from men was miraculously ripped down. God saw what Christ did and it was enough to make Him accessible to man again.
Amazing.
But I have yet to tell you anything new. Tozer takes all of this truth and points out that not only is God available, He is eager that we should come within the veil's boundary now. Aiden bounds on and on about how worthy God actually is and how fulfilling He would be. But the fact is that we as Christians do not live within the veil. Why? Because there is another veil still standing. And what veil is that? There lies within our hearts a veil shrouding us from clear perception of who Christ is. And this veil "is woven of the fine thread of the self-life, the hyphenated sin of the human spirit. They are not something we do, but something we are, and therein lies both their subtlety and their power." All of these sins of self, self-righteousness, self-confidence, self-pity, self-love and others are so ingrained in us we don't even realize them right out, and they are often employed in successful ministry.
Many ministries purposefully promote their ministry, not simply Christ.
To be honest, we put a much better emphasis on who God is than we do on who we should be.
As I read about the serious pain caused by having this living self-matter torn out without anesthetic, I prayed for its destruction in me, knowing I had no clue how this would pain me in the end.
The strange things is that after reading and praying all of this, I didn't want to do anything. It was the strangest thing I have ever felt. I couldn't think of anything in the world I wanted to do at that moment.
Nothing entertaining.
Not sleep.
Not eat.
Not study further.
I felt out of place. I literally felt without desire. It was eery. It was confusing. It was a first. I sat outside and looked at the stars, simply for lack of anything to do. I thought about TV, facebook, eating, taking a shower, going to bed early. They all sounded like horrible ideas.
It was so strange that this truth I was joyous to read and ask for in my life made me feel out of place being alive. I was all alone, but had a feeling like I was at a party full of strangers, I just needed to be somewhere else. It wasn't something bad or scary, just completely foreign. I hope to go back there often. It seems a good jumping point. Maybe I can be more like Faber.
Tozer used one Frederick Faber as an example of a man so in love with God that he almost seemed mad. I imagine this point of having no desire for anything in this world is a point from which to move in this direction.
I mean, this guy was like mind-bogglingly passionate, like a really clingy love interest, or more likely in the situation coming to mind, past love interest. I think this is the only situation in the entire would where that can be a good, even the best thing. He had individual and undying love for each member of the trinity personally, he had fallen for each of their personalities. He wrote poetry about how he love the Father so much he didn't know how to control his physical functioning, and literally pressed his forehead into the ground in worship of the Holy Spirit. He said of the Son,

We can exaggerate about many things; but we can never exaggerate our obligation to Jesus, or the compassionate abundance of the love of Jesus to us. All our lives long we might talk of Jesus, and yet we should never come to an end of the sweet things that might be said of Him. Eternity will not be long enough to learn all He is, or to praise Him for all he has done, but then, that matters not; for we shall be always with Him, and we desire nothing more.

I can think back to a time in my life I scarcely remember. Although I do not know to what extent I understood all that has been spoken in this tremendously long-winded post, I do remember something that will last with me all my life. I remember years ago, working in factory making 50 gallon steel drums. I remember standing by myself at the end of a line, catching drum lids and bottoms as they came off of a press. But mostly, I remember singing quietly to myself of the glory and magnitude of our God. And I remember catching 5 lids every 10 seconds, crying softly simply because I was so blessed because of who God is, because I have Him, and because He wants me.
This is how life was meant to be.

2008-10-04T22:51:00.003-04:00

New James Bond Music Video

I love this, mainly because of the odd coupling of Alicia Keys and Jack White. Very well designed song, completely wedding 25% Keys, 25% White, and 50% classic Bond!

Enjoy

2008-10-03T23:22:00.006-04:00

SMASH BROS. VICTORY!!!!!

This is just a small display of the intense glory and reward recieved around here when you successfully dominate at Super Smash Bros. for a 1/2 hour!

Not to mention the 4 packs of 3 Sweet Tarts as additional prize.

Ultimate victory is very rewarding!

2008-10-03T23:15:00.005-04:00

"I Have a Friend in Jesus" is about all they got right.

So this video has been passed around by a couple of my friends.

I put this out for your viewing to say to you :

If you are this poorly endowed in the art of lyrical craftsmanship, never ever write a song.

Especially about Jesus.

Enjoy.

2008-10-03T22:14:00.004-04:00

Once upon a time, I was living in Austin Texas. Recently I enrolled myself, at greatly discounted rates, into the membership of one Paste Magazine. "Signs of life in music, film, and culture" is there mantra. In an addition to the immense blessing of partaking in their paper production, I shortly thereafter received an e-mail inviting me to a free concert showcasing the many talents of the great Mates of State. Although it was received only one day in advance, I was able to make space in my empty schedule to go.
Driving in downtown Austin was foreign to me, although the atmosphere had the appearance of a country-less version of Nashville, which encouraged me. I found parking open on a Thursday night beside a sing reading "Fri-Sat. $5:00." This is not the stroke of luck or providence it appears to be, so you have been warned. Did I mention I was alone? Yeah, for those of you who don't know but were wondering, concerts, like other social outings, are way more exciting when experienced solo. I mean, sure your friends are fun, but in reality they are sucking the enjoyment out of sitting through three bands you've never heard of.
And a guy kept picking up this Asian chick who did not want him to do so. A few less beers would have made this obvious to him I assume. I will give him the benefit of the doubt, that it was the beer, and not social awkwardness and general creeper status that made him so in this event.
When the last band ended, everyone left. I stood around awhile, then finally asked the door guy, "When is the last band going on?"
"They're setup on the outside stage, probably already getting started."
"Oh. Ok, thanks."
Apparently I am supposed to realize that there is basically another venue out back, and the show decided to move there spontaneously. They were good. I wish I was closer. I wish it wasn't so crowded. I wish that every couple-based band Emily Shinkle introduced me to didn't talk about their liberal political endorsements from stage. What a joy kill.
I was satisfied, I had salvaged the almost lost concert. I was happy to get back to my car though.

Wait.

Were is my car?

So yeah, apparently in layman's terms "Fri-Sat" means "whenever we find it lucrative." The guy in the gas station didn't understand me. I had already paid him for parking before he caught on to the fact that my car had already been parked for some time and was now lost into the Bermuda Triangle of a parking lot he owned. He gave me a number to call.
The guy on the other end seemed sympathetic, surprising for somebody in his line of business. But here I am, relatives from in town are out of town. I don't even have enough money to my name to pay the couple hundred dollars keeping my ride caged in somewhere in the state. I don't even have cab fair to get there.
I did have one thing. I had the number of a friend who was nice enough to help me get to my car and get it out. What a saint. Oh, how I love having Christian friends! Their moral values and intense personal care for one another is quite reassuring in such circumstances. Without this one, I would probably be living homeless in downtown Austin, begging concert patrons for change and searching the gutters for half-smoked cigarettes.
So I got a ride, the gate was opened, and I drove home.
At 3am.
Moral- pay the $5 to park in the lot.

Concert- $0
Ticket- $195.00
Having a friend to get you out of insurmountable circumstances- Priceless

2008-10-03T20:45:00.008-04:00

Chambers v. Tozer

Although its not all really that clear to me yet, I have seen obvious differences in the outlooks of some of my favorite Christian authors. I have found a great example of these contrasts almost daily lately, and it have given me a starting point from which to make some observations. Although I like both types, I see one as something I can completely latch onto while the other feels more burdensome. I honestly don't know if that's personal preference or some inherent truth I just happen to feel more comfortable in. I assume a cooperation of the two to some degree.

The two authors I have contrasted in my mind are Oswald Chambers and Aiden Wilson Tozer. I want desperately to put a disclaimer down stating that I greatly respect both of these men beyond most comparisons, but I do see a difference in their overall approaches.

Now I think most people, Christian and non, would have a hard time stomaching either author. And as either author would tell you, (actually, that's probably what the text that you couldn't stomach would be discussing) that's to be the expected nature of things. Both spend much time dissecting the human condition, both pre- and post-redemption. Both spend a great deal of time in very lofty thoughts that bring conclusions that none of us are comfortable with on the majority. However, I see major differences in their direction and therefore the effect they're messages have on myself.

I don't mean to make any strict lines for either, or put words in these authors mouths, there is nothing that would more greatly upset me than to have misinterpreted one of these men whom I so highly regard. I have found, however, that Chamber's generally seeks to provide truth for specific circumstance types, while Tozer seeks a more hearty fulfillment in Christ in all situations.

Now to read either of these authors is almost a sure promise of great spiritual revelation, and neither is wrong in general, but it becomes obvious that this is a question of focal points. Unlike in the world of visual aesthetics, a life can only have one prominently. I would say that between the two, my alliance is with Tozer.

Now Chambers is a great man, a man who dissects verses piece by piece, using personal experience and vast scriptural knowledge to point to God's ways for working in the Christian's life. He is most frequently found pointing out situational truths in the lives of Christians. There is little or no reference to emotion in his work, and if searching for it one generally comes up cold, with a tone that places no importance on this topic. In a way, we can summarize his work as circumstantially focused and giving specific perceptions of general situations, with little or now emotional emphasis. It appears that Chambers is always trying to show his reader what the Bible says is a proper attitude and reaction in any variety of circumstances.

Tozer appears a stark contrast when views upon these lines. He is a man continually utilizing truth and knowledge, both Biblical and intellectual, to show how emotional and epic the truth is when viewed in proper perspective. It seems Tozer has almost no concept of circumstance, instead looking for blanket truths that in turn create proper circumstantial reactions. Tozer looks to Scripture and history to continually find reason to praise! I would summarize Tozer as being universally focused on truth that applies constantly in any circumstance, without even finding the need to discuss or address individual circumstances. It seems always that Tozer's main goal is to make God bigger and create a bigger reaction in his reader to this truth.

I think that perhaps the entirety of John Piper's ministry started as an attempt to cliff notes Tozer's work.

Of course, these are generalizations. It is not as if Chambers never sees God's glory and rejoices therein. It is not as if Tozer never comments on how different circumstances should be handled. Both prove to be proper at a time. My bias towards Tozer is made most apparent in the excitement I find in reading him.

I don't nod off as easily.

Given that my brain is just as weak as my biceps are it has become obvious to myself that no matter how much I understand a deep author or even can use his work to think deeper on tough subject matter, reading heavy material drains me almost before I have cracked a cover.

That's why I have switched over to soft back books.

But seriously, I am easily worn out intellectually if I am only inputing knowledge. I think some of the reasons for my personal bias are obvious. Tozer's point is to explain in detail everything that makes the truth logical, but it all comes back to simplicity in the end. Its like showing you all the work to prove the math is right, then going back and simply dwelling on the answer itself. I like that, being a person who loves simplicity. I also find myself feeling more and more that a proper response is often circumstancial. While there are foundations and boundaries which shouldn't be flexed, it seems a better working and easily conducted policy to think correctly and use that to evaluate a particular circumstance.

While I have my bias, and perhaps there may be some real tangible truth in the mix, I believe there is Biblical reasoning that Tozer is better. Chambers' basic idea is here's how you should handle these situations, this is what the Bible points to. Tozer's message is here is God and this is what that means, enjoy this and let it form you. Chambers tries to understand the Bible and let it transform him, while Tozer tries to know the God and let Him transform him.

Chamber's model teaches us to deal with the fall. Giving "My Utmost for His Highest."

Tozer's model shows us how to try to live like there was no fall. A life consumed in "The Pursuit of God."

I would suggest both.

2008-10-01T16:35:00.004-04:00

My new found addictions to music (http://www.pandora.com/) and movies/tv (http://www.hulu.com/) online are slowly becoming negative. With great technology comes great responsibility.

I can't help it if I have a simple love for finding new music similar to that which I am already fond of!

Can anyone really blame me for my affection show toward Alfred Hitchcock's classic black and white weekly installments of drama and irony?

I didn't think so, but even as I indulge, I feel the weary consumer shackles weighing me down. So much for freedom.... at least I can walk away during the commercials.

You know you want to see Mr. Miyagi as a cartoon character with high fives, winks, and thumbs up!

2008-09-29T22:53:00.005-04:00

Three Sticks

I pushed the button to close the garage door and was careful to step over the sensor beam that would jerk it to a halt and send it up again. I put one foot on a pedal and let gravity carry me down and out of the drive-way while I crossed the other leg over the seat. I was surprised by how few street light this subdivision actually has. Half the time I was riding in complete darkness, let alone the blindness that came when I got to the construction.

Rows of empty, half-built houses.

I wondered to myself why the more completed ones had lights on inside here and there. Is this to keep people away at night, or are there already a horde of homeless dwelling in these homes until more lucrative habitants can afford them?

I made my way to a huge hill created past civilization where extra dirt was discarded. Having been assigned this position for some time now, the huge mound, some thirty feet high and a hundred yards across, had grown to resemble the dried and beaten grassland surrounding it. The thought of snakes crossed my mind. In the dark I made my way to the top of the hill and carefully crossed it to the only place I had found in brighter times to bear any uniqueness. A rock pad in the ground lay just the perfect size to lay out on.

The stars were brilliant.

They're bigger here in Texas, you know.

I had filled my pipe as I walked with what I could make to be the second to last smoke this pouch would provide for me. It was odd to be smoking lying on my back, so that my pipe had to lay onto my chest at an awkward down angle for a drag. Sometimes the best place to see and talk to God is alone with a pipe.

As I lay there I heard a scream unlike any before. I sat up. In the distance, I could make out the sound a donkey or mule that must have been as close to death as possible from the shrill screeching to let out into the night sky. That was creepy.

Apart from the sounds, the atmosphere reminded me of camping out. Now sitting up, I looked down at my little rock floor, and the lighter in my hand. I grabbed a handful of dried grass and made a little pile on my floor. I lit it and it burned brightly for all of four seconds. I did this again, using the short burst of light provided to look for anything that would stay lit. I saw nothing. I got up, took a short walk, squatting down to look at anything not appearing to be grass or dirt. Within thirty seconds and to my own surprise, I found three sticks, each no more than six inches long and half an inch thick. I placed them as best I could atop a new pile of dried grass. The first was a failure. I tried again, this time thinking less fire building strategy, more simply to just get the sticks into the short-term grass flames. This was a better strategy when working on such small scale. The sticks slowly caught on to the idea, and the tiny fire made very sporadic shadow dances on the grass surrounding my rock.

As I sat trying to take in the fire's jig and the brightness of the sky, I designed a new technique for smoking my pipe. It was interesting to think I had never smoked in light drags, even though I'm sure its what has always been done by most.

The fire was healthy now, one not needing a babysitter to keep it up. In fact, every burst of wind blew the thought of loose sparks in dry grass into my mind. I needed to keep an eye on this little blaze. The sticks went from dancing with flames to a neon orange glowing as they writhed like worms under the burden of there distruction. The glow of their wood as it turned to charcoal faded slowly in and out, bright and dim. Eventuall, I took a fist-size stone and smashed up the remains of the wood, spreading it out into a thousand little glow worms in a black hill. As the glowing specks began to diminish in quantity, I searched upward and realized there was no moon out as far as my eyes were concerned. Back to the embers, I continued to crush them out, as well as using the only liquid on me, my spit, as an additional douser of the little lights. As the last few lights left, I followed.

2008-09-25T18:08:00.009-04:00

I see, in this generation of true Christ-loving youth, a great opportunity that is perhaps greater than many of previous eras of the church.

In this generation, I see a people who are willing to accept true Christianity, a concept which many who would consider themselves Christians have never truly had presented. I also see a generation excited to bring glory to God in any way He may desire it of them. I see those who live from a worldview of reformed theology, regardless of whether they know what that even means, and couple it properly with a charismatic worship and lifestyle.

Like Shrek, Christianity as a grouping is similar to an onion. It has layers. There are those on the far fringe who no one else would agree upon as "Christian," but who would first and foremost introduce themselves as such. This includes cults like Jehovah's Witnesses and Mormons, and liberal theologians who disregard foundational truths such as Biblical inerrancy and the possibility of miracles. It is hard to understand why someone would even desire so greatly to be associated closely with something they changed so greatly before accepting. But I digress.

From here we can see that there are deeper, less clearly defined layers within the realm of "Christianity." Those raised attending church on Sundays for no apparent impact, the nominal Catholic, and others fall into a slightly closer range of truth. When looking for the true qualifiers however, it becomes clear that Children of the Burning Heart are born across the board in some places rather unlikely from the Biblicist's perspective. There are many groups who have no clue what Christianity means, and many who skew it to a jumbled mess, yet even through all this Christ works in the lives of those He wills.

From here I would like to look at those youthful souls truly desperate for the work of God in their lives. This group is largely described by and partially included within the Passion ministry movement. A joyous surprise to thousands who see kindred hearts where they thought few existed. Young believers characterized by a passion for the truth as only the Bible could describe it, and any consequences that may entail. A clan of ridiculously open worshippers who are unashamed in admitting their filthiness and His over-qualification to make it right.

I think this pattern of thinking is influenced from a number of directions, culminating in an extremely Biblical Christian worldview once developed. In the first chapter of "The Pursuit of God," A.W. Tozer betrays a very similar thought process. Speaking to the Christianity of the 1950's, his sentiments ring true in our ears today as well. His purpose in this chapter is, simply put, to say that while Christians are taught to be content in their Christianity, we should be quite the opposite, constantly in pursuit of God and His glory.

Read this book!

Aside from this point, Tozer very obviously proposes a foundation for this thinking, putting forth his own worldview. The chapter starts out stating,

"Christian theology teaches the doctrine of prevenient grace, which briefly stated means this, that before man can seek God, God must first have sought the man."

While Tozer off-handedly claims this as a Christian theology, it is only thought thus in a relatively reformed Christian worldview. In the seemingly eternal battle between Calvinism and Arminianism, the basic concepts come up again and again. Calvinists would hold that God does all the work of calling the broken and helpless man, while Arminians would say that by free-will a man sees his sinfulness and comes to God uncoaxed.

Tozer makes an obvious proposition of the Calvinistic or reformed position on this topic. Unlike most Calivinist theological assertions, however, Tozer does not beat us bloody about the complete ineptitude of man, a valid point that is wrongly focused and often taken on wild trips to extreme tangents by obsessive theologians. Instead he turns this truth directly to state that man is given the ability to pursue God from God, and uses this as all the more purpose in the pursuit. Basically stated, Tozer does not use this information to dissect all the possible nooks and crannies of theological intellectualism, but gain perspective as to man's real and current relation to God.

The rest of Tozer's chapter discusses the greatness of God's personhood, the ability for human persons to interact with Him, and the immense joys found available in the pursuit of God. The book is well titled.

I truly think this is what Biblical Christianity is called to be. Tozer takes a truth, sets it as a foundation, and from there understands how it effects living, and rejoices in the outcome. This should be a timeless method for all Christian understanding! It is this mentality that fuels purposeful Christian living! It is this mentality that gives men the ability to understand truth and worship all the more therefore!

In being reformed to the Bible, we can see the Biblical state of the world and majesty of God. In following this truth logically, we have found freedom to worship and happily throw everything to Him.

2008-09-23T00:17:00.003-04:00

This past week I was intensely blessed at Saturday's praise band practice in a new way. Over the month or so that I have been in this position, God has been continually blessing me in all circumstances. In this situation, I had scheduled for one of our songs to be "Jesus Paid It All," the new "Passion" version. Some of the students weren't familiar with it, so I looked up this video and threw it on the big screen with the lights off so they could get the feel for it, not only how it sounds, but the emotional connections that can obviously be encouraged through an intense emotion. I was so encouraged to have them almost giddy half-way through the video, not just because they liked this, but because they thought they could recreate that so that students in the Attic could experiance worship more deeply. Talk about a huge encouragement to me! I can't wait to stand in endless crowds and worship God fully and with one unified voice. Until then.....

2008-09-19T00:26:00.015-04:00

Strap yourself in.

This could get a little wordy. I've been planning on writing on this subject for a couple days now, but have not had the energy or courage to tackle what could conceivably become a very long post.

But now its late at night, I have a few hours to burn before I have to make a trip to the airport, and I'm just tired enough to do this. I think. I have plenty of sugar in my system, a chair upon which to prop my feet, and the quiet I would need to stay focused. Here goes...

First of all, you must become acquainted with one A.W. Tozer. To read Tozer is to find a new friend that is probably more honest with you than most people who actually know you. Tozer shows his love to mankind as a bi product of his commitment to God. Although its pretty contrary to the popular view of love on which the world is bleeding itself out today, true love is focused on providing the truth that provides remedies to the whole mess as opposed to so called "love" that includes giving instant gratification and telling people what they want to hear. So Tozer says some things that I don't want to hear. But they are good for me.

They are the best there is for me.

Here it comes.

"God Must Be Loved for Himself"
"GOD BEING WHO HE is must always be sought for Himself, never as a means toward something else.
Whoever seeks other objects and not God is on his own; he may obtain those objects if he is able, but he will never have God. God is never found accidentally. 'Ye shall seek me, and find me, when ye shall search for me with all your heart' (Jer. 29:13) .
Whoever seeks God as a means toward desired ends will not find God. The mighty God, the maker of heaven and earth, will not be one of many treasures, not even the chief of all treasures. He will be all in all or He will be nothing. God will not be used. His mercy and grace are infinite and His patient understanding is beyond measure, but He will not aid men in their selfish striving after personal gain. He will not help men to attain ends which, when attained, usurp the place He by every right should hold in their interest and affection.
Yet popular Christianity has as one of its most effective talking points the idea that God exists to help people to get ahead in this world. The God of the poor has become the God of an affluent society. Christ no longer refuses to be a judge or a divider between money hungry brothers. He can now be persuaded to assist the brother that has accepted Him to get the better of the brother who has not.
A crass example of the modern effort to use God for selfish purposes is the well-known comedian who, after repeated failures, promised someone he called God that if He would help him to make good in the entertainment world he would repay Him by giving generously to the care of sick children. Shortly afterward he hit the big time in the night clubs and on television. He has kept his word and is raising large sums of money to build children's hospitals. These contributions to charity, he feels, are a small price to pay for a success in one of the sleaziest fields of human endeavor.
One might excuse the act of this entertainer as something to be expected of a twentieth century pagan; but that multitudes of evangelicals in North America should actually believe that God had anything to do with the whole business is not so easily overlooked. This low and false view of Deity is one major reason for the immense popularity God enjoys these days among well-fed Westerners.
The teaching of the Bible is that God is Himself the end for which man was created. "Whom have I in heaven but thee?" cried the psalmist, "and there is none upon earth that I desire beside thee" (Psa. 73: 25) . The first and greatest commandment is to love God with every power of our entire being. Where love like that exists there can be no place for a second object. If we love God as much as we should surely we cannot dream of a loved object beyond Him which He might help us to obtain.
Bernard of Clairvaux begins his radiant little treatise on the love of God with a question and an answer. The question, Why should we love God? The answer, Because He is God. He develops the idea further, but for the enlightened heart little more need be said. We should love God because He is God. Beyond this the angels cannot think.
Being who He is, God is to be loved for His own sake. He is the reason for our loving Him, just as He is the reason for His loving us and for every other act He has performed, is performing and will perform world without end. God's primary reason for everything is His own good pleasure. The search for secondary reasons is gratuitous and mostly futile. It affords occupation for theologians and adds pages to books on doctrine, but that it ever turns up any true explanations is doubtful.
But it is the nature of God to share. His mighty acts of creation and redemption were done for His good pleasure, but His pleasure extends to all created things. One has but to look at a healthy child at play or listen to the song of a bird at sundown and he will know that God meant His universe to be a joyful one.
Those who have been spiritually enabled to love God for Himself will find a thousand fountains springing up from the rainbow circled throne and bringing countless treasures which are to be received with reverent thanksgiving as being the overflow of God's love for His children. Each gift is a bonus of grace which because it was not sought for itself may be enjoyed without injury to the soul. These include the simple blessings of life, such as health, a home, a family, congenial friends, food, shelter, the pure joys of nature or the more artificial pleasures of music and art.
The effort to find these treasures by direct search apart from God has been the major activity of mankind through the centuries; and this has been man's burden and man's woe. The effort to gain them as the ulterior motive back of accepting Christ may be something new under the sun; but new or old it is an evil that can only bring judgment at last.
God wills that we should love Him for Himself alone with no hidden reasons, trusting Him to be to us all our natures require. Our Lord said all this much better: 'Seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you' (Matt. 6:33) ."

Farewell, Joel Osteen .

If you understood this well at all, you should be upset. God doesn't want to help you with your goals. Its funny that God should ever come into any serious conversation or thought we have as a secondary character. If the Bible teaches us that the rain falls on the righteous and the wicked, and makes a point of the fact that God does not give favor in earthly standards to the children of the burning heart, then how do we allow ourselves to slip into this simple, camouflage-less trap?

Let me just say that I personally cannot see the inherant evils in comedy. This could go a number of ways. We could say Tozer may err to the legalistic side, which is probably somewhat true given the time period and social and ideological norms. Also, if the comedy industry of the 40's and 50's was anything resembling todays, it seems obvious that we could label it as one of the "sleaziest fields of human endeavor." Also, it is important to realize that this individual whom he speaks of could probably be most easily comparable to a football player who points to the heavens in victory or an actress thanking God for her emmy. While there may be exceptions, most of the time the lives and endeavors of these people completely contradict any real glory they may bestow. Personally, having read countless pages of Tozer and seen the truth he understood, I trust his judgement on the issue completely.

The important thing to take from this real life analogy is not even the actions of the comedian, but the ready acceptance from Christainity. I would guess that I know far more Christains who would be happy with this "expression of faith." But here's the point. If the life is not lived in complete devotion to God and His will, how can one truly try to honor Him with his own success?

Cain's fruit wasn't rotten.

But it wasn't what God desired from him.

Too often we look to ourselves for what direction our future should be headed, ignoring God's direction or leaving Him out of the conversation altogether. Then, when we have done well, which is done easily without God's assistance, we want to give it back to Him? Its simple math.
If good works aren't worth more than filthy rags, how would positive personal endeavors possibly hold the same or more weight?

Hey God, I know you had a plan, but mine turned out pretty awesome, right?

The audacity of this statement doesn't hit us as hard as it should, but its what we do! And Christianity only flourishes because of the loose description we place on who God is and what characterizes Him! To think that Christianity prospers not based on God's great blessing but on our great watering and misrepresenting of who He is!

SO MANY PEOPLE THINK THAT AMERICA IS BLESSED BECAUSE IT HAS SUCH INTENSE CHRISTIAN INFLUENCES, WHEN PERHAPS WE SHOULD REALIZE THAT TRUE CHRISTIANITY FLOURISHES IN PERSECUTION, AND CHRISTIANITY THAT FLOURISHES OTHERWISE SHOULD BE LOOKED AT SUSPECTLY, CONSIDERING THAT IT IS MOST LIKELY SKEWING THE TRUTH.

In truth, Man is created for the sole purpose of knowing and revelling in the glory of God. Nothing else should even come on the radar. But we live our entire lives ignoring God or trying to milk Him for something we want. God gives us other gifts, but His goal is to glorify Himself. God's goal of glorifying Himself and doing what pleases Him is so much greater in any other possible desire He could have that it could basically be said He has no others. We shouldn't either, especially if we desire happiness and fulfillment in life. After working on this post for days on end, this can be simply summed up. God is all there is of worth.

The big question that remains is, can we flesh this out.

2008-09-19T00:26:00.011-04:00

It was a first for me. I have grown fond of Oswald Chambers, as you can tell by scrolling down. I mean, I have read him very irregularly for three or four years now, so it was a surprise to me to come upon a day where I wasn't simply confused by him. Usually, I am either really blessed by Chambers or really confused by Chambers. Today, I read and found myself in complete disagreement with everything he said!

Then I read it two more times. I finally agreed with him.

I don't really want to copy the entire thing here, but you need to have a context.

Some of Ozzie's statements seem to flat out contradict the verse he references until you understand the entirety of his entry, which even then has to be clarified by close assessment. He seems to be saying that Christ (and subsequently Christians) was tempted in an entirely different way from the rest of humanity. He says all this while referencing Hebrews 4:15, which states that He was "... tempted as we are, yet without sin." I think, after careful dissection, that the point he is making is that the purpose for the devil and the situation and effect for the children of the burning heart is greatly different from simple temptation of the unrighteous.

The fallen are in complete despair. Regardless of how closely they know this, every circumstance to sin is simply an opportunity to continue in self-destruction. They are in the same place either way, there is no change made, period. For the disciple however, the devil has greater intentions, for the stakes become much much higher. For those following God, a temptation is an opportunity to put down what is valuable, what we are supposed to be characterized by, and what gives us and our lives worth. It is an opportunity to change our point of view and see things differently.

This entry went from contradictory of scripture to extremely personally applicable to my life today! It is so important to understand all the aspects of falling into a conscious personal decision to sin in an individual situation. Our life focus, worth, and personality are all at stake. Of course, this only makes sense if a follower is actually following. But that's another story, albeit a precursor to this lesson.

I was blessed.

2008-09-16T03:24:00.004-04:00

After having all this to say about the circumstances of 1943, I'm pretty sure J.R.R. Tolkien would turn over in his grave if he knew the current state of the world.

"The bigger things get the smaller and duller or flatter the globe gets. It is getting to be all one blasted little provincial suburb. When they have introduced American sanitization, morale-pep, feminism and mass-production throughout the Near East, Far East, USSR, the Pampas, el Gran Chaco, the Danubian Basin, Equatorial Africa, Hither, Further and Inner Mumbo-land, Gondhwanaland, Lhasa and the villages of the darkest Berkshire, how happy we shall be. At any rate it ought to cut down on travel. There will be nowhere to go. . . Col. Knox says one-eighth of the world's population speaks 'English' and that it is the biggest language group. If true, damn shame -- say I. May the curse of Babel strike all their tongues till they can only say 'baa-baa'. It would mean much the same. I think I shall have to refuse to speak anything but Old Mercian. But seriously, I do find this Americo-cosmopolitanism very terrifying. . ."
Roger Sales saw in later days that, "Tolkien has always spoken. . . as though only fools and madmen would contemplate the twentieth century without horror."

Goodbye, localized culture. . .

2008-09-15T01:11:00.004-04:00

This brings me to tears. Pray continuallty for the lostness of the world.

G.A.T.O. - Thailand from Kim on Vimeo.

Bringing HOPE!!!!

The Well from Kim on Vimeo.

There are little light bulbs in even the darkest corners, for the Lord is faithful and merciful...

2008-09-14T10:41:00.005-04:00

I was talking the other day to a very dear friend of mine whom I find in a very large delimma, facing circumstances reminding me of my pre-mustache days. His is a situation so reminiscent of where I have been in the past that it sounded like he was reading some statement I had made at an earlier time back to me. To see a friend in a place where their future could be either a glorious story of boldness through Christ or a greatly inhibited mediocrety put me on full alert. This is an awesome guy, who I wouldn't want to make the mistakes I did because I thought I knew better. So, after talking to him and even suggesting some Chambers, this was what I read today.

"IMAGINATION V. INSPIRATION
'The simplicity that is in Christ.' 2 Corinthians 11:3
Simplicity is the secret of seeing things clearly. A saint does not think clearly for a long while, but a saint ought to see clearly without any difficulty. You cannot think a spiritual muddle clear, you have to obey it clear. In intellectual matters you can think things out, but in spiritual matters you will think yourself into cotton wool. If there is something upon which God has put His pressure, obey in that matter, bring your imagination into captivity to the obedience of Christ with regard to it and everything will become as clear as daylight. The reasoning capacity comes afterwards, but we never see along that line, we see like children; when we try to be wise we see nothing (Matthew 11:25).
The tiniest thing we allow in our lives that is not under the control of the Holy Spirit is quite sufficient to account for spiritual muddle, and all the thinking we like to spend on it will never make it clear. Spiritual muddle is only made plain by obedience. Immediately we obey, we discern. This is humiliating, because when we are muddled we know the reason is in the temper of our mind. When the natural power of vision is devoted to the Holy Spirit, it becomes the power of perceiving God's will and the whole life is kept in simplicity. "

Its so hard to try not to just think out a good loophole. I did it for years, I probably killed some of my best brain cells trying to figure out the truth instead of sitting in silence waiting on the Lord and obeying fully. Its so much easier to see not only the truth about the choice, but the great gap between the outcomes of the different options. Its not really the choice it appears to be, its a simple one that is always identical. Chose God, or chose what makes more sense, sounds better, seems positive, etc. I've nevere been one for wise choices. Sure, alot of people, even Christians, would consider my decisions well founded, but they don't even see the heart of it.

I love my friend. I'm scared for him. Not because I trust him so little, but because I only trust him as much as I trust myself. Most people might not see this issue as large as it is. Either way, most people wouldn't notice the difference made. But the decision could either show his life to be one devoted to God's glory, or one devoted to his decision making skills and well-being.

2008-09-13T18:39:00.006-04:00

So I stumbled upon this site in meandering across the internet. Its a jewel for people of artists interests similar to mine, I hope you can enjoy it.
The premise is simple. A couple small companies put their band promotion and film backgrounds together with an idea for catching truly authentic and original performances from both well known bands and little known performers. Operating out of London, they contact acts when they come to town and catch up with them for a couple minutes, just long enough to grab one of London's signature black cabs and tape a live single song performance in the back of a cab. There are some pretty big acts as well as some up and coming new-names. I thuroughly enjoy them, hope some of you do as well!
http://www.blackcabsessions.com/sessions.php

2008-09-11T14:52:00.006-04:00

Exodus 24:3-8
3Moses came and told the people all the words of the Lord and all the rules. And all the people answered with one voice and said, “All the words that the Lord has spoken we will do.”4And Moses wrote down all the words of the Lord. He rose early in the morning and built an altar at the foot of the mountain, and twelve pillars, according to the twelve tribes of Israel.5And he sent young men of the people of Israel, who offered burnt offerings and sacrificed peace offerings of oxen to the Lord.6And Moses took half of the blood and put it in basins, and half of the blood he threw against the altar.7Then he took the Book of the Covenant and read it in the hearing of the people. And they said, “All that the Lord has spoken we will do, and we will be obedient.”8And Moses took the blood and threw it on the people and said, “Behold the blood of the covenant that the Lord has made with you in accordance with all these words.”
This is Israel only months out of Egypt. They're still fresh from that existence, it is all they have ever known, and they have no national identity. So, in the chapters previous, God has listed out some rules for this people of His, so that they may live in a way that reflects the way that He thinks.
Some of these rules seem really really basic and pretty obvious to us. Ex. don't spread a false report, or if someone borrows something and breaks it, they have to pay it back,. Some are a little strange, we don't really understand what they meant to the people or exactly what they are pointing to about the character of God. Ex. some of the rules about slaves come across pretty strangely in a world trying to make equality of all men stick as a universal social norm.
So after spending relentless hours in preparing to meet the Lord and conveying His messages, Moses brings these things before the people and requires them to officially "sign" the covenent in a manner of speaking. The people join in one voice agreeing to God's terms, an "I do" on their half of the relationship. Then Moses takes the blood from the sacrifice and throws half on the alter, to God, and throws the other half on the people.
Moses throws a bowl of blood on the people.
I really enjoy this part. I think its because of the countless numbers of church-goers who would be shocked and angered by having a huge basin of blood thrown across them at church.
"Well that was just totally unnecessary!" they would all mutter under their breath.
Its funny how easily people would be upset by this, completely overlooking the significance. The Bible says nothing about the people being indignant, although I think this could have been a pretty hilarious event to watch if it wasn't so serious. Its sad to ever make a statement like this, but God would probably never be able to get away with a stunt like this with most modern Christians.
Think of all the amazing implications involved though. These people were not just agreeing to some list of rules. It wasn't just a promise not to cheat buisness partners or treat neighbors better. This was a serious event, something died for this agreement to be made. And the people were linked physically by this blood with God, symbolically through His alter. But here's the thing that really stuck with me so greatly. The people were wearing the covenent.
This blood was closer to them than their clothes.
It didn't just affect their lives. It wasn't just a part of everthing they did.

They were physically coated in the covenant.

2008-09-10T15:25:00.002-04:00

2008-09-09T20:25:00.004-04:00

So yeah, Oswald has alot of good insights. Its pretty interesting to think that this was a statement made roughly a century ago. Wow.

"This is a day when practical work is overemphasized, and the saints who are bringing every project into captivity are criticized and told that they are not in earnest for God or for souls. True earnestness is found in obeying God, not in the inclination to serve Him that is born of undisciplined human nature. It is inconceivable, but true nevertheless, that saints are not bringing every project into captivity, but are doing work for God at the instigation of their own human nature which has not been spiritualized by determined discipline."

I know there can only be more truth to this in our culture today than there was in Chambers' day. This is only the tip of the iceberg in talking about the tangent issue of negative social standards invading the Christian life unacknowledged. Leaving that for another discussion, it is quite obvious that this issue is something that invades the personal life as well as church settings.

Although there is alot to look to in culture with makes this easier to disregard or overlook as normal, in reality it is an aspect of sin nature rather than a socially bred ill.

Social standards don't create problems, they just decide whether they are tolerable and in extreme cases, noticed at all.

In our churches and other ministries it becomes obvious that there are definitely ministries which have been started and run without God's instigation. There are also those which started out well and, through leadership changes or daily grind, have lost whatever vision and focus they were designed with. Men think too quickly and start ministry without realizing they are too fallen to know what is right. Instead of walking into Christ more, they try to build Him a worthy empire from what they know.

It is also easy to see in my own personal walk this truth is very evident. Some ministries are sometimes borderline, hard to discern as to where their focus, leadership, and trust lies. This is never true with my heart. I was talking to a friend, and came to the conclusion that I am definitely a "big picture person," one who loves to think about great huge things and how awesome things could develop, but dreads thinking about day to day processes. It is easy for me to look back and think of a million schemes , often with the goal of God's glory, if sometimes only a secondary factor. In fact, I can't really think past those things when they are on my mind. What else have I focused on?

Certainly not often have I been one to sit in silence and worship who God is without any plan to follow. Its pretty easy to look past the simple way of waiting on the will of the Lord, pursuing His heart rather than looking for a cool idea.

Psa 37:4
Delight yourself in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart.

What a verse, to think that it is abused and worn out on the lips of those often using it to express the opposite of its meaning! It joins a multitude of others in the ranks of the recited foundation for personal oppinions. These verses are used to explain how obviously individual opinions are made crystal clear through the contorting of contexts.

We overlook the great depth within this verse, when held in its true context. Delighting in God is no little task. This is not a "be a good person and God will reward" you kind of verse. This is not even a "know God and He will make you want the right things" kind of verse. Delighting in God is to be as close as fallenly possible to allignment with His Heart, without any action taken. This verse follows.
Psa 37:5
Commit your way to the Lord; trust in him, and he will act.

This goes against any idea that we will get what we want.

Not we get to act. He will act.

He will act on His own agenda. So we simply trust. That sounds alot like waiting until something outside ourselves creates change. And Self is foiled again.

But we are men of action! This was a revolutionary idea, one which would create good change in problem areas! We're totally in the wrong place, something of this world, which is probably not a bad thing. Let us sit and simply soak in Christ, and see what happens. Easier said than done. So, to comfort us on this path, may we take a look at a closing word by Chambers, one much more straightforward in wording than we usually find Him.

"We are apt to forget that a man is not only committed to Jesus Christ for salvation; he is committed to Jesus Christ's view of God, of the world, of sin and of the devil, and this will mean that he must recognize the responsibility of being transformed by the renewing of his mind."

2008-09-07T19:54:00.004-04:00

Here is an amazing band called by the name The Oaks. While there is no out right statement that I have come across explaining any specifics of faith, the actions, attitudes, and statements confirmed on their website most definitely lend to some easy imagining of deeper roots. Thats a pretty awesome accidental pun. But common, with a song called "The Two Calls (Of Dietrich Bonheoffer)," can you really go on denying the likelyhood of their basis? Plus the music is indie roots-meets-imternational with a jam back beat that keeps coming back. Read the band's story while you listen to their tracks!

WWW.THEOAKSBAND.COM

2008-09-05T03:33:00.005-04:00

In reading yesterdays devotion by one Mr. Chambers whom many have come to rely on for solid guidance, I saw a very clear application of his comments to ideas being recently on my mind as well as this blog. http://www.studylight.org/devos/utm/

"If you have become bitter or sour, it is because when God gave you a blessing you clutched it for yourself; whereas if you had poured it out unto the Lord, you would have been the sweetest person out of heaven. If you are always taking blessings to yourself and never learn to pour out anything unto the Lord, other people do not get their horizon enlarged through you."

It is insightfully true to realize this, for all too often I find myself simply content if I am able to recoginize and truly thank God for the blessings He gives me. But does it occur to us to think that God is purposeful in His gifts, and would not simply have us realize this but also continue on to return this gift to Him by whatever means possible. And as this quotation and the text itself end here, I am brought to think of the impact my blessings can have on my fellow man.

So I begin to think, "How can I use my blessings to bless others?"

But that is so short sighted of me.

So we take a step back in the text to "the sweetest person out of heaven." When thinking about the glory of God in all things and my desire to worship Him as He worships God, it becomes obvious that broadening other men's horizons is a simple bi-product of our worshipping God in all blessings. It really shouldn't even be a main focus, although it should be prevelant.
The design is a recycling system. God gives us blessings. We are attentive to these blessings and purposeful in all circumstances to bring them back to him in simple thankfulness. And as an aside, the lifestyle just happens to be revolutionary. So becoming "the sweetest person out of heaven" is being as close as possible to living in right relation to God as one perfected after life.

This makes me think of the times again and again when I have prayed what I consider still a good prayer, but one easily surpassed every time. "God, help me to reflect You to others clearly without allowing myself to blur the image." Doesn't this work better? "God, please allow me to be a direct reflection of You back to You. I pray that You would see Yourself more clearly through me."

It seems appropriate that God be referenced so many times in such a short prayer.

2008-09-03T04:04:00.001-04:00

So I really wanted to encourage you guys with somethings God has been showing me.
Hebrews 1 and Psalm 45 have a couple verses of overlapping text. They're both awesome, check them out. But these verses, they talk about how God anoints God because of how great He is. So God is worshipping God.
Which really makes alot of good sense, even though it seems really foreign. I mean think about it. Sure we know that God is ultimately trying successfully to gain for Himself as much glory as possible. But this includes first and foremost, actually actively worshipping Himself in everything He does. So the greatest Glory God ever gets is in when the only perfect one, God, is constantly Glorifying Him. Kind of a confusing circle.
Or we can think about it this way. We are created for the highest purpose, to glorify God and enjoy Him forever. We are also created in God's image, to look like Him. So naturally, the greatest and ultimate reason for our creation is going to be a direct reflection of what God does. Now that we're fallen we don't glorify Him in all we do, like we should, but we ultimately try to glorify ourselves in all we do. God does the same thing. But ours is illigitimate.
I would say we can probably only know like 1% of who God. I think anymore would make our heads explode. I think it could kill us. John in Revelation and Isaiah both come to mind as people scared of death because of how much they know about God. We aren't designed to comprehend Him. Never were. Eve didn't, that's why she was able to question Him in the first place, when she was still flawless.
But I think we should always seek to know more. We should always be trying in everything we do to gain the very thing which could kill us if we get too much of it.
So even the wisest of men probably only know less than 1% of who God is and why He's so glorious. When we worship, we should be thinking about the fact that most of our good reasons to worship Him continue to ellude us, and always will. Be we should be begging for just another hint, another drop of knowledge on what makes up the character of this God.
My prayer is this, that we would worship God in this knowledge in everything we do, knowing that we don't really know anything about who He is, but desiring only to know Him more fully.

2008-08-20T16:50:00.001-04:00

In the church of the past, before protestant theological assertions were made, Christians found the arts to be a vital part of worshipful life experience and aesthetic concern was a part of church aspiration. In this time, as a respect for beauty and goodness was at a peak. A respect for the contrast found in the ugly and disgusting was also seen as not only acceptable but necessary for a proper perspective and balanced portrayal of the reality of the nature of truth in life. A Christian's beliefs about the nature of reality should be constantly reflected in their mindset for daily living, and the imagery surrounding them should also help to focus this.

Here are some images from some more famous artists, used in churches to help keep perspective.Michelangelo : Last Judgement

Hans Memling : Last Judgement

Jans Van Eyck : The Last Judgement

2008-08-16T23:16:00.001-04:00

A great sermon delivered piping hot from the heart of Joe Witmer, circa Grace Summer Camp '08!

http://www.grace360.org/students/7.FromMudPiestoHolidays.mp3

2008-08-15T19:12:00.002-04:00

I think this message is even relevant to married couples, the purpose Mark preaches on this topic is one which should be an overarching theme running through all areas in which we spend our time.

2008-03-05T13:37:00.000-05:00

God has been slowly breaking me.
Every week, He puts new challenges in front of me. I have trouble trusting Him. I try to figure out how to get around him. I figure He isn't helping me in any way I can see to fix the problem. So I manage through the problem, but the next week's problem is harder. It's finally working. And giving up becomes a great joy, to know your situations and know they are not what defines who you are or will be, or what you have faith in and what you focus on.

2008-02-28T13:59:00.000-05:00

This is a section from Pia Desideria, by Philip Jacob Spener, most of which is a actually a quote of Martin Luther.

"What did our sainted Luther seek more ardently than to induce the people to a diligent reading of the Scripture? He even had some misgivings about allowing his books to be published, lest the people be made more slothful thereby in the reading of the Scriptures. His words in Volume I of the Altenburg edition of his works read:

'I should gladly have seen all my books forgotten and destroyed, if only for the reason that I am afraid of the example I may give. For I see what benefit it has brought to the church that men have begun to collect many books and great libraries outside and alongside of the Holy Scriptures, and especially have begun to scramble together without and distinction, all sorts of “fathers,” “councils,” and “doctors.” Not only had good time been wasted and study of the Scriptures neglected, but the pure understanding of God’s Word is lost… It was out intention and hope when we began to put the Bible into German that there would be less writing and more studying and reading of the Scriptures. For all other writings should point to the Scriptures… Neither fathers nor councils nor we ourselves will do so well, even when our very best is done, as the Holy Scriptures have done- that is to say, as God himself has done. …I only ask in all kindness that the man who at this time wishes to have my books will by no means let them be a hindrance to his own study of the Scriptures, etc.'"

I go to Christian college, I get at least 8 hours of reading a week.... how much is actually the Scripture. Take a guess. This is my complaint.

2008-02-28T12:15:00.000-05:00

I see that no one seems to have any answers for my regarding music, but it just so happens that I stumbled upon a site myself. While it doesn't solve the bigger issue of a lack of Christian music, I found a site which is probably familiar to a lot of people, which I had never been to. The site is called rcrdlbl.com, (recordlabel.com - vowels= rcrdlbl.com) which hosts pages for bands that are actually good. Think myspace music or purevolume, but only containing bands that actually have fans. Apparently the site must actually have a relationship of some sort with the band on its pages, because they are all bands that apparently have followings, of a variety of styles, most with downloadable tracks. This is the place to go if your looking for new bands that people haven't heard of. Just don't be like the millions of fans who claim that their bands have "sold out" when they become popular and everyone you know likes them too.

You know who you are.

Act like you have great musical taste, and then get mad at the fact that everyone likes that band.

You didn't discover them.

2008-02-27T13:17:00.000-05:00

I am sad to say I cannot claim ownership of this beautiful piece..

Oh the ineffable emotion concieved by the rose of the field,
It is provokation through beauty by which it begins to yield,
But nay it is not even that, but so much more even still,
It breaks the hardest hearts at times and bends the strongest will,
How is it that such a small thing should so fixate the mind?
And so to some men's hearts and souls', deep philosophy bind,
The crimpson flare which graces its petals is anything but solemn,
And speckles of the morning dew reveal where angel's lips have befallen,
Yet even still there is something that alludes my mind with stealth,
Behind philosophy and image lingers yet something else...

This is really great, to understand that the sheer beauty of God in all things He has come in contact with, here personified in the rose, is enough to break the most hardened of heart, even those unwilling to accept the truth of His Word or the love of the Saint. In God's beauty, we can see something on a deeper level, we can see that this beauty which blankets all physical and emotional reality is reliant upon His love, and in place were we see the greatest beauty, His love abounds twentyfold...

2008-02-23T12:35:00.000-05:00

Wow, I really need to be more consistent about posting on here. I have been informed that I do actually now have people who read this, which is encouraging in creating consistency in writing. But anyway....

Today I have a simple question for ya.

I like music a lot. It is a major part of who I am, both in creating and listening to it. However, if you asked me who I like, I always struggle to answer that. There is very little music I despise.... but as far as music I truly like goes, I am all over the place with mostly bands people don't really know much about. These days, I have really been moving more toward music that sounds good but doesn't sound so heavily produced, more live sounding....

A Formula Describing My Dilemma

Premises

1. I prefer the sounds of bands such as The Cold War Kids, The Arcade Fire, Modest Mouse, TV On The Radio, Radiohead, etc...

2. Christian music is relatively not good. Aka- Most of the stuff on Christian radio isn't really worthwhile. I mean, you have 5% that is worth listening to (personal opinion) and 20% the is spiritually encouraging in lyric, and they barely overlap. Friends agree with me.

Therefore

I really want to listen to more Christian music, but it seems the industry in Christian realms has been so forceful in destroying an appearance of Christian incompetence in music as to disallow any genre resembling these more homegrown sounds.

Maybe too many Christian just hate this music.

Maybe Christians cannot physically play this music.

Maybe this music has evil beats and rhythms.

Maybe it's a conspiracy. (Always a possibility)

Or Maybe I just don't know about any of the bands that are out there.

I hope this is the case, I mean, I am not a music industry guru, so I am probably missing most of the music I would like the best.

If you are one of the blessed who recognize some of those names above, please let me know of any bands you could suggest. Preferably Christian. But whatever. This needs solving.

2008-01-18T16:05:00.000-05:00

Check it out! I have placed this design on threadless.com, and if it is accepted in the next few days, it will be put up to be voted for. If it gets enough votes, it may be purchased from me by the company so they can print it! If you have the chance, check it out!

2008-01-17T12:56:00.000-05:00

Francis Schaeffer writes, in Escape from Reason,

"We thus know something wonderful about man. Among other things, we know his origin and who he is-- he is made in the image of God. Man is not only wonderful when he is 'born again' as a Christian, he is also wonderful as God made him in His image. Man has value because of who he was originally before the Fall.
I was recently lecturing in Santa Barbara, and was introduced to a boy who had been on drugs. He had a good-looking, sensitive face, long curly hair, sandals on his feet and was wearing blue jeans. He came to hear me lecture and said, 'This is brand new, I've never heard anything like this." So he was brought along the next afternoon, and I greeted him. He looked me in the eyes and said, 'Sir, that was a beautiful greeting. Why did you greet me like that?' I said, 'Because I know who you are-- I know you are made in the image of God.' We then had a tremendous conversation. We cannot deal with people like human beings, we cannot deal with the on the high level of true humanity, unless we really know their origin-- who they are. God tells man who he is. God tells us that He created man in his image. So man is something beautiful."

I copy all of this a a precursor to discuss what God has been subtly pointing out to me in a way I don't think I have ever really been ready to receive until now. I see this in friends lives as a definitive hindrance to their everyday relationships. I see this most greatly in my own life. The issue of truly loving others is one which is mentioned but never truly given the focus and attention it needs. Jesus called this the second greatest commandment, but any shallow inquiry into most lives reveals that we do not take this calling seriously enough. We need make consistent choices to serve Christ first with our lives. This takes things like being committed to God's word, living with it in our lives and as our thinking point. It also takes a commitment to higher integrity and standards than we currently have. They should always be growing. But, our second greatest focus in life should be on treating people right. It is strange that we can go to a Christan school and hear about reaching the world and the church, but have issues we have no intention of correcting with one another.
My life has been continually plagued by issues in relation to others. And here's the thing, I (along with so many others) have a heart for people. I love missions, my heart cries for the lost I meet. But I think harsh thought toward people I find incompetent. I think down on the people to whom I am closest. I haven't been willing to accept it for along time. I didn't know the extent of the problem, but I knew it was there and it honestly seemed so big to tackle that I figured the effort was a worthless waste of time. But it has to change to live a life honoring God. We all struggle with this in some capacity. The ex-boyfriend who we mock with our friends. The neo-conservatives or liberal theologians we joke about in class. The fallen pastors, politicians, and celebrities we whisper about and use as conversation starts with strangers. All of this is a destruction of the beauty of God within humanity. We are still in his image, and we cannot hope to be continually pulling in closer to Him with our lives if we are making constant effort to defame humanity. Regardless of my situation, I need to learn to consider others about my self, not to simply put it on my list of things to do, pray on it, and watch for the 'beautiful transformation' that will never occur, but to be making conscious, concerted efforts to think of all others more highly than myself, and value them in the way I treat them.

2008-01-08T13:18:00.001-05:00

It seems to me that many of you whom I talk to feel the same way.

I love classes, don't get me wrong, learning is a special treat for me, especially the stuff I get to study at school. But I feel really trapped, because I don't feel like I am pursuing any calling while I am at school. I feel like my life is somewhat pointless at this point, and I am wasting alot of my time waiting to be able to afford and finish classes.....

I want to move away... I really just want to pick up and go to another country. I've never been to one I didn't like. Starting over provides such freshness, and I feel pretty stale these days. Is anyone with me?

I am jealous of my friend Rachel, who just left for a year long missions trip. What a way to grow...

I feel like I (and we) should be able to live extrordinarily fresh and purposeful life right here where I am, but it seems that 95%... no 97% of the time people are for some reason unable to live with an extreme, God given delight and purpose.... I feel like everyone should go somewhere foreign, and the foreign Christians should come here, them everyone would be forced to rely on God out of there comfort zones, and we could start being extrordinary for him... I wanna move away.

2008-01-05T15:07:00.000-05:00

I was talking to a friend the other day, and they mentioned to me how much spiritual oppression they feel right now. I had to agree when we thought of ourselves and all the friends and family going through spiritual slumps. It was hard to think of anyone we knew well who seemed to really be walking with God in a clear visible way. This in not to insult anyone, but to say that it has been increasingly feeling to me and others as if God is not moving. We know this is not true, but looking into Lamentations today really reminded me of that conversation, and how true it can be that all spiritual light can seemingly dissapear. The beautiful thing is that even with no visible changes many time, God shows the author and encourages us as well through it. We can see that no matter how bleak God is always faithful and only waiting for us to act as such with Him. No matter how bleak, God is always there and controlling things, regardless of whether we see change or not. Do not doubt Him.

2008-01-05T14:46:00.000-05:00

Proverbs 20:21 says, "An inheritance gained hastily in the beginning will not be blessed in the end."

I feel like this verse along with many of the others surrounding it really applies for me at this stage in my life. The combination of the issues in my previous post and the intense busyness of the world we are acustom to makes this verse the one I need. So busy looking for the answers to know where to aim. God wants us to just look to him day to day and find the answers now for the questions now at hand.

Proverbs 20:21 says. "An inheritance gained hastily in the beginning will not be blessed in the end."

I've heard that some schools try to get you to decide on your career upon entering high school, so you can take classes more geared in the right direction. I find it very hard to accept that God considers that important to be thinking about. In highschool, I was grounded and felt confident in my life, my standards, and where my values were. Since I left for college, I lost all those things. Constantly thinking months and years ahead has forfeited me all the time I've spent with that mentality. I feel like I have tripped over every step because I was trying to look blocks ahead. Lost track of my relationship with God over and over again, not focused on who I am today, but what I'll do in 3 weeks/6 months/2 years/1 decade. I, and anyone who can relate, have to think differently from what everyone else seems to endorse.

2008-01-03T13:53:00.000-05:00

Man, I really need to learn to take these self-photos where I am sitting around my house, staring at the camera/ off into the distance. It seems everyone but me has had one at some point. I need to get on that...

I have to say that college over all has been a time of turmoil for me. I have come to question everything from what I want to do to what God wants me to do to what God thinks is most important. I have come in counter with every question from every angle, and screwed up alot in my answers I think. I have made alot of mistakes, and understand completely how so many kids get so screwed up when they go off to college. It's not just the schooling, it's the complete lack of familiarity, and much of your accountablity. Everything is constantly changing... one day you are sure you are focused in one direction, the next it could be completely different. I have had some many different, often reoccuring, directions in my life since I started college. It's easy to lose sight.

So I am extremely thankful that God gives me those reminders. Like I work temp jobs, and I just randomly meet people who find out I went to a Christian school and immediately interogate me on my walk with God. I need that so much and God really just provides this interesting situations. He really wants me back. No matter what I am focused on, God wants me to be focused on him more. I need to remember that.

2007-12-05T16:23:00.001-05:00

So here is the tale of the sheer adventure that my life has been since my semester has ended. I have been searching for a good job and, as usual, have been through a lot of struggle in these recent days. After a few days of search, I found opportunity through a temp agency to work in the Discovery Channel's local warehouse. I was excited, and called my cousin Trey to let him know that there were opportunities available. On my way to my first day of work, I had a flat tire, my dad picked me up and I was about 10 minutes late, which I found disqualified me from starting for another 3 days or so...
In the meantime, Trey got a job there in an office rather than the warehouse, and started working. I called the temp agency and they told me that Discovery would not be adding workers on the day I was told to come back. So....
I tried some other options, which took plenty of time to find out that they were also not available. I finally called the temp agency back and found that if I could make it to the Discovery warehouse in 15 minutes, I could work 2nd shift. I hurried as fast as I could in the weather, and arrived 2 minutes late. Fate was on my side, and they still let me in, so I went into the cafeteria and waited for about 45 minutes. Then, the front desk lady came in and told us that for only the second time since she had started there, they would not be hiring any of the temps brought in today. So I got to come home early.