I took a break from writing on here... moved home, got readjusted, renewed the friendships I have missed so much.

Then came the holidays.

So as I sit here typing on the day after Christmas, I am amazingly broken. "Dang," your all saying to yourselves, "I was totally blindsided by that negativity factor in this post." The truth is that I have spent the holidays thus far with many friends and family, and the majority of the time spent has been a delight. I have been so amazingly blessed by God with great close friends who are an amazingly Godly influence in my life. I have friends who I really do consider family, people I care about so dearly. God be praised for His glory seen in His people.

But there is a great anomaly that exists. I do not understand what the root of this is, but it becomes more evident this year than any prior. I am heartbroken and devestated that there are Christians in my life who steal away the hope and joy that Christ plants in me.

I want to be a joyful person, and have some much to hope for. Christ is always eternally faithful to us, and He shows himself evident in so many ways and through so many relationships. But why is it that when I go into secular family settings I leave encouraged by the festivities and goodwill among famly, and when I leave Christian family events I am exhausted and wishing I could see the purpose in it all?

The nature of this situation brings about a disturbing point, in that Christ's greatest commandments were to love God and then to love men. The New Testament also teaches that we should love Christians more greatly than others, and that Christ is seen in this action. So ultimately, the two greatest commandments are to love God and love Christians. But this doesn't happen.

I also realize that I am equally to blame in this situation. My heart is broken to know that I see this coming every time and yet fall into that sin of self-declaration and self-promotion. Oh Lord, please humble me so that I may truly serve you when my plan of attack is doomed from the start.

On a more positive note, its nice to have a healthy dose of reality when it comes to my personal fallen nature.

Oh God, renew my hope in Yourself alone, apart from humanity, and give me the strength to interact humbly and with Your glory in mind and heart!